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Sure I can tap dance!
Remember in those great old show biz movies when the budding starlet waits outside the producer's office for days on end, they finally let her in, she reads for the role and becomes a star? Boy, those were the days.
The modern casting process is WAAAY more complicated. First of all, you can't even get onto a studio lot or into an office building without an appointment. Since 9/11, there's strict security in most places, so getting through the gate even when you do have an appointment can be a pain. But anyway, you've gotta have an appointment.
The usual way to get an appointment is through your agent or manager, who has a direct line to the gatekeepers, the casting offices. Ideally, a casting office calls your agent with a request. That's the easiest. Or (not as easy) the agent does the legwork by looking at the breakdowns and submitting you. ("The Breakdowns" are casting notices that go only to agents ... or only legally to agents, anyway ... there is a black market that provides them directly to actors. But I wouldn't know anything about that.) Then if you're lucky, they'll call to set up an appointment.
But there's another whole anthill of activity under it all. In this town so crowded with actors of every age and type, some of them "between" agents, there's so much competition that it's smart to do your own legwork, too. Even for those with great agents, it makes sense to leave no stone unturned. You never know where the next opportunity will come from.
That's why many actors subscribe to various online casting sites, all vying with each other to provide the best and latest casting news. You can set up a system of alerts (like Google Alerts) with most of these sources, so that they will send you an email whenever a role comes up that's right for you. Sounds like a plan, right? Well, yes, but as with all technology, there are glitches. Sometimes wildly inappropriate stuff comes through. For some reason I'm always getting notices for roles for a "little person" with her own wardrobe. At 5'2" I know I'm short, but hey.
Of course you can do your own research by perusing all the online casting notices for the day or week. This can be a fun sport, especially if, like me, you never get tired of marveling at each freshly hatched absurdity.
For instance (this one always gets me) the typical episode of a TV cop or hospital show that calls for: "Mandy, female, beautiful, 24" and "Lois, her mother, attractive, 37." I do not lie. You see it all the time. My personal winner for most ubiquitous: "22, drop dead gorgeous, blonde." Another favorite: "elderly woman, 45-60." Shoot me now.
Just for jollies, here are some of the weirder ones I've seen over the last year. Read 'em and hoot. All of these are for real, copied verbatim. I kid you not.
MIME (male): Marcel Marceau type. Please only post for this job if you are really able to mime.
JOYCE (female): A full-figured, very butch lesbian--a bull dyke drawn in by our femme fatale's powerful charm.
TUBA PLAYER (male or female): age range 15-23, MUST have experience playing tuba and be able to play classical/orchestral pieces. MUST have own instrument!
DR. HOREM (male): 30-40's. Head Egyptologist. Must be able to accurately play this character in 3 different time periods. Very athletic, able to fight with Egyptian curved hand sword, able to do stunts, African American, African or Afro-British, or other ethnicity and ethnic look with British accent. Able to learn Ancient Egyptian and Arabic lines in very short time.
BIKINI WEARING GUNFIGHTER (female): starring, 14 TO 30
BODY BUILDER (male): principal, 21 TO 35, 5' 11" - 8' 0" Caucasian, Eastern European, Polynesian, Arnold Schwarzenegger or Mr. Universe type to play a super Android. Looking for someone who has the ability to remain static, tremble body and act bone chilling without dialogue.
BARACK OBAMA (male): President of the United States. Martial arts and fighting techniques helpful but not required. Good comic timing and professionalism.
Um ... I've got nothing more to say about this.
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