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The best and worst audition experiences of 2008
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Go ahead and try that move next time, buddy. Make my day.
Incredibly enough, the life of a regular Joe-the-actor in Los Angeles has (OMG!) very little in common with the glamorous Hollywood whirl of premieres, parties and paparazzi chases that are so exhaustively detailed by supermarket tabloids and entertainment "news" programs. It's actually pretty tame and probably not so different from many another working life around the world, with the major exception being that most of us look for work more often than we actually do it. Which makes for interesting adventures, some truly wonderful and some, to be frank, horrific. The upcoming list of such audition thrills and chills over the past year has been culled from my own recent life as well as that of others, with no actual names used, in order to protect both the innocent and the incredibly guilty. So here goes.
One of the worst: "Emotionus interruptus"
This was an audition, for producers and the director, for a large guest star role on one of the top crime procedurals. (For a quick explanation of what it means to "go directly to producers," see this previous article.) The part was heart-rending: a recently bereaved mother who, halfway through the scene, breaks down and starts to sob. It's a well-written, lovely scene. So I work on this sucker for a couple of days. The morning of the audition is spent preparing. Just before going into the audition room I've achieved the perfect state of high emotional intensity, as near to tears as I can be without breaking. I play the brief first section of the scene as I've chosen to, in a state of haunted, detached shock. The moment approaches when I'll break, as the interrogator asks about my child's torn coat. The reader says the line and I can feel the tears flooding into the back of my throat. JUST at that moment, the director abruptly stops the scene and says, with a hint of sarcasm, "Let's take it again, and this time, can you try to give me some really strong emotion, please?" Pause. Everyone else in the room seems as stunned as I am. I sit there stupified with disbelief. The fact that he's oblivious of the whole arc of the scene, that he's destroyed the moment and managed effectively to negate my whole preparation, makes it impossible for me to recover. I'm now so overwhelmed with anger at this clueless idiot, instead of grief about my dead child, that I dry up. Needless to say, I don't get the part. Later I hear without much surprise from another actor who's familiar with this director that he's notorious for this particular brand of sabotage, and pretty much universally despised by every actor who's ever worked with him. Hmmm. Live and learn. Next time maybe I'll bring a stun gun.
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