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Week 9 NFL recap, Mr. Snyder meets Mr. Miyagi & MNF pick
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Yesterday the NFL looked like the NFL for the first time this season
There were no ridiculous blow outs that could have been predicted last Monday. I think that that had more to do with the fact the Cleveland, Oakland and St. Louis all had a bye week, than any improvement in general competition. But it was nice to see a whole slew of competitive games.
There was one team that got its first win. Tampa took advantage of great defensive and special teams play and rookie Josh Freeman tossed three touchdown passes to lead the Bucs over the Packers for their first win of the year.
Double embarrassment for the Pack: Not only did Tampa beat them, Tampa beat them while wearing the throwback Dreamsicle uni's. it's got to be tough to be beaten by a team wearing that color.
Another team got its first scare. Peyton Manning and the boys from Indy looked like they were going to actually roll over for the Texans before Joseph Addai went in from two yards out to give the Colts the lead with 3:49 left. The game wasn’t over though. Matt Schaub drove the Texans to within field goal range and with time expiring, Kris Brown, who had already hit from 56, missed from 42 to leave the Colts as the only undefeated team in the AFC.
There was a blow out, but no one could have seen it coming. The Cardinals traveled to Chicago and absolutely manhandled the Bears. Kurt warner threw five TD passes against the hapless Bears defense. This is the second time in three games that the Bears have given up 31 in the first half. I am beginning to think that the Bears are joining the Redskins amongst the ranks of the NFL bottom feeders.
There was one team that silenced its critics. Cincinnati proved that they are for real by handing the Ravens their fourth loss of the season, (their second to Cincy). The Ravens offense is taking on a Jekyll and Hyde type personality. The Hyde portion manifests itself on the road. Credit Cincy's defense for compeletely shutting down both facets of the Baltimore attack.
There was one team that did exactly what was expected of them. New England took care of business with Miami, 27-17.
There was one team that had to take the low road. New Orleans stayed undefeated, albeit the hard way. They spotted the Panthers 14 points before they decided to get their offense in gear and do what was expected of them. In the end the Saints won by ten.
There was one team that needed the wily old pro to show them how to get things done. Detroit jumped out in front of Seattle 17-0. At that time Matt Hasselbeck put the Seahawks on his aging back and led them to 25 unanswered points. The final was 32-20, Seattle.
There was one team bound for elation and another bound for heartache. Philip Rivers hit Vince Jackson for an 18 yard TD with 21 seconds remaining to lift the Chargers over the Giants, who have now lost four in a row.
There were two teams fighting for the lead in their division. Last night, Dallas squeaked by Philly 20-16 on a Tony Romo TD pass to Austin Miles. Romo has nine TD's versus one pick in his last four games.
And then there were the Redskins.
The Redskins are in complete disarray. Their offense is impotent. That’s all that can be said about it. The loss of Clinton Portis simply makes an untenable situation even worse. Yesterday the ‘Skins were beaten by what can only be called a tepid Atlanta team. Sadly, it didn’t look like the Falcons had to expend too much effort to get the job done. They jumped out in front of the’Skins 24-3 at halftime and pretty much coasted from there.
At this point, I am going to take a little detour in order to set up my supposition of what it might thake to fix the ‘Skins.
Last week this vicious SOB of a machine with which I am working turned on me and refused to be of any further service. Every time that I tried to get near it, it flashed the “Blue Screen of Death” and shut down like a thirsty jack ass. It simply refused to do anything.
It took me all week to diagnose the problem. I removed programs. I tinkered with my BIOS settings. I did everything that an amateur could possibly do.
I finally admitted that I didn’t have a damn clue as to what I was doing and called in professional help.
Three hours later, I was up and running again. The problem turned out to be failure of one of my RAM chips.
Not knowing what the hell I was doing with my computer when it failed reminded me of a few owners of NFL sports franchises that have reached the same impasse with their teams. Those owners are Dan Snyder, Al Davis and Randy Lerner, who owns the Browns. These three individuals simply cannot get their heads around the idea that they need professional help.
Al Davis gets a pass on this because he built the Raiders from the ground up and was once considered to be the shrewdest owner in the league. That was before the mad cow set in. But still, as an owner, Al Davis has made his bones.
I completely discount the situation in Cleveland, because Randy Lerner wouldn’t know a football guy if one hit him on the face. He takes advice from his buddies, (kind of like Dan Snyder), and in doing so, he has let the Browns trade away every potential building block that they had. They fired George Kokonis, who I thought was a pretty decent general manager. They have hired a guy, (Eric Mangini), that makes Norv Turner look like Einstein as their head coach and he hired Rob Ryan, the guy that screwed Oakland’s defense up for the last few years as his defensive coordinator. It simply looks like the Browns situation is completely unsalvageable for the foreseeable future.
So, I am going to concentrate on the Redskins. Of the teams in NFL that are seriously mismanaged, the ‘Skins have the most talent in place and can probably be turned around the quickest.
In order to begin that turn around, I honestly think that it is going to take some sort of traumatic experience for Dan Snyder to see the light when it comes to his team. I think that there is going to have to be some sort of humiliation and or physical pain to align Mr. Snyder’s thinking the way that it needs to be for the ‘Skins to begin their return to glory.
With that in mind, I am going to fire up the “What If” machine and try to discern what it might take for Dan Snyder to get his ego out of the way and turn the reins of the Redskins over to a real football guy.
So this is the proposition that I fed into the “What If” machine:
What would happen if Daniel Snyder met Mr. Miyagi???
(I tried this scenario with Chuck Norris, but my computer kept flashing the square root of pain)
Side note: I AM NOT MAKING FUN OF ASIAN PEOPLE WITH THIS SEGMENT. I am trying to capture a fictitious character’s speech pattern on paper. Watch the Karate Kid and tell me if Pat Morita doesn’t talk like this.
Miyagi: (pointing at chest) Miyagi.
Dan: Hello Miyagi, I’m Mr. Snyder, I own the Washington Redskins.
Miyagi: What first name?
Dan: My first name is Daniel, but I prefer for people to call me Mr. Snyder. In fact, I insist that my wife call me Mr. Snyder when we play slap and tickle.
Miyagi: Yoooo own Redskins, Daniel-San???
Dan: Yes, I do. I am very proud of the team. I think that we’re making great strides. And call me Mr. Snyder.
Miyagi: HAHAHAHAHAHA……Redskins suck, Daniel-San. Yoooo ruin team. Redskin used to be good when Jack Cooke Kent-San own team. Yoooo screw pooch, Daniel-San. Whooo pay Albert Haynesworth one hundred million??? Whoooo bring in Deion Sanders??? Whoooo bring in old Bruce Smith??? Whoooo bring in head case Deangelo Hall??? Whoooo change coach every year??? Whoooo try to bring Brunell-San back from dead??? Whooo still have no offensive line????
Yoooo do, Daniel-San. Yoooo funny man, Daniel-San. Yoooo think Redskins get better…..HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Dan: Hey, hey, I’m not going to tell you again. Call me Mr. Snyder!!!!! And the Redskins do not suck……and while we’re at it, those were great moves.
Miyagi: HAHAHAHAHAHA….Daniel-San, yoooo not know football. Yoooo know Dell computer. Yoooo know Johnny Rocket. Yoooo know communication. But yoooo not know football. Yoooo are like small child trying to play with big boys. Yoooo need to find Parcells-San, Schottenheimer-San, Gruden-San, Holmgren-San or Shanahan-San and let that San of Bitch run team.
Dan: But, I am not interested in having someone else run the team. I am truly happy that my good friend, Vinny Cerrato and I are running the show. We seem to be doing a fine job. We even got Sherm Smith to come in and call plays for us, because our head coach is too inept to call his own plays.
And if you call me Daniel-San one more time, I am going to hire Billy Zabka to kick the crap out of you, old man.
Miyagi: Vinny-San is flaming a-hole, Daniel-San. Heeee know less football than yoooo. Sherm Smith is bingo caller, not play caller. Yoooo do nothing but make bad situation worse. Yoooo need football guy, not poker buddy to run Redskins.
Are yooooo related to Al Davis-San???? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Dan: That’s it!!!! I’m calling Zabka right now!!!!
Miyagi: Zabka-San not help you, Daniel-San. Zabka-San help you less than Zorn-San or Spurrier-San. He even help you less than Cerrato-San and Cerrato-San make dog turd look like genius.
Dan: Look, I am not going to…….
(Miyagi cuts Snyders speech short with a roundhouse kick to the face)
Miyagi: (as he is walking away) Daniel-San should have opened car wash. Then Miyagi teach him wax on / wax off….HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Maybe that will be the beginning of the Redskins resurrection.
In the meantime, I feel for you Ben, Paddy, Jim, Joe, Jerry and all of the rest of you Redskin die hards out there.
Tonight’s pick:
Denver +3 over Pittsburgh
I’m a Broncos fan and the Steelers have sucked on the road this year. Outside of that, Josh McDaniels offense, while he was with the Pats, worked well against the Steelers. Hopefully that success will follow him to Mile High.
As usual, thanks for stopping by and reading this tripe.
Peace
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