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Holiday 2008: A festivus for the rest of us... Gamers!
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Today is December 23rd and that means it's time for one of the funniest holiday traditions, (new or old) the celebration of Festivus, a new holiday first popularized on an episode of Seinfeld. Some of the best things about Festivus are the date and that there are no gifts to buy! For anyone not familiar with the practices of Festivus, there are three practies that will be used for this article. The aluminum Festivus pole, which is the first and only picture used. The Airing of Grievances, where someone (for this article, me) talks about how the video game industry has disappointed me for the year. And finally, the Feats of Strength, which will probably be a video of a fighting game. We've already seen the pole and now...
The Airing of Grievances
Activision for making sure that the Guitar Hero market is completely saturated.
Hardcore gamers who have nothing but negative stuff to say about the Wii, especially because it isn't completely full of first person shooters or RPGs.
Hardcore gamers who only play one type of genre.
Hardcore gamers on the Wii (the nearly 8 million of you who bought Super Smash Bros. Brawl, so you're out there) who don't buy hardcore games.
Developers who have to patch their games after they're released. I've already paid my money for a full game, it should be bug and glitch free.
Writers and reviewers who look the other way when reviewing said games that are full of game-crashing bugs.
People who think only good games should come out in the first week of November.
GameStop just giving five dollars off the retail price of a used game and calling it a discount.
Anything Star Wars in 2008. Darth Vader, Yoda, and the Apprentice with lightsabers in Soulcalibur IV and the mess that turned out to be. It's not like George Lucas had anything to do with the development of the game. Even the Clone Wars was a waste.
Equating GTA IV's story with 'Oscar caliber'. It wasn't. Really. Go watch 'The Dark Knight' or 'Crash' or anything Clint Eastwood has done in the past six years and tell yourself if you think any video game story can or should match that.
People who only play Rock Band or Guitar Hero and consider themselves gamers. You're not. You're all jackasses who come over and mess with stuff that someone else spent nearly 200 dollars on. You're scavengers.
Sonic Team thinking people might get bored with the fun parts of any Sonic game. Hell, if they cut out all of the werewolf crap, it would still be a bargain at full price.
Nintendo games on the Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection. I didn't know that Brawl came with molasses that's only activated when you fight online. And I'd love to play someone in Mario Kart but I have to send you too many damn numbers just to get robbed of a victory.
'Guitar Hero' or 'Rock Band' winning awards for best music and best soundtrack. Why should they get accolades for being full of licensed songs? Especially when there are full-time video game composers who create great music?
Giant publishers who can't complain about losing money or not earning enough. Has it ever occured to you to release a game as downloadable content as oppossed to really, expensive triple-A titles that disappear from charts after a month?
'Mature' rated games. Blood, rockets, boobs, poop jokes, profanity-what the hell is so damn 'mature' about that?
Message board trolls. Is it really too much for any of you to just play the games you like? Must you spend hours respond to one part of a story? Especially about a game or a system you never intended or like?
Market departments. Do you only have to advertise for two weeks before a game's release and two weeks after it comes out? Is it really that damn difficult to pay for an internet banner for a game a month after it comes out?
Sony hate. Even though the PS3 isn't pulling in the numbers it should be for all its tech and hype, Sony still has the PS2 and PSP selling great.
Talk about new systems. Stop it, just stop it. Let's get it to at least six year before everyone decided that they're bored of a system.
People ragging on casual games and shovelware. Especially when those same people would buy those games in order to inflate their gamerscores of the 360.
Achievements. Really? There was always a way to know if you really 'achieved' something in a video game: a level clear screen, a enemy falling over, enjoyment.
The upcoming video for choosing Mortal Kombat and Killer Instinct over Soul Calibur
Now enjoy the Feats of Strength:
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