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Hill Harper's 'The Conversation' explores relationships from black singles and married couples
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New York Times best-selling author, Hill Harper
New York Times best-selling author Hill Harper has written letters to a young brother and young sister, and now he’s back in the book world again to explore a conversation with young and old on relationships. “The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships” sets high expectations for black men and women on what should be done to improve our romantic relationships. And as expected, the Obamas were mentioned.
Since the Obamas hit the White House, I’ve seen an increase in books about encouraging relationships in black homes. On one hand, it’s disappointing that some of the same people who thought shows like "The Cosby Show" were unrealistic had to use the Obamas’ public presence to finally understand that black love is real. On the other hand, I’m relieved that there is a more popular family than the Huxtables to encourage the non-believers. And author Hill Harper actually knew and befriended President Barack Obama, so I enjoyed reading his thoughts on the Obamas in “The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships."
And as much as I enjoyed and would recommend Steve Harvey’s “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” book, I appreciated Hill Harper’s book for different reasons. While Harvey’s book gave women the “tell it like it t.i.s.” truth from a married man and father’s perspective, Harper came from a single man’s perspective with no children. Both authors talked about how frightening it is to be in a relationship and what emotions a man goes through before he’ll commit. Both authors told the raw truth about how men feel about women. But Harper’s book took it a step further by using quotes about various topics in black relationships that I don’t recall being touched upon in other relationship books.
Harper sat down with single and married friends to have tough discussions on interracial dating, why black women are so angry with some black men, why some black men have such cynical views of black women, why black men and women continue to pursue each other in relationships despite all the negative stereotypes from both ends, parenthood, financial responsibility, what love means, how to fail at a marriage, how to succeed at a marriage, why some black women feel obligated to date black men and vice versa, why don’t men share their feelings more, what women and men need to know about each other, and why black people love being in relationships with each other.
Instead of just ranting off Harper’s own views, he did a lot of research via email, phone and in person with countless different men and women. Some of these answers will make you shake your head, cringe, burst out laughing or jump up and go “Aw man, [INSERT NAME] needs to give me dap for that answer!” I also found “The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships” a great read because Harper talked about his own weaknesses in relationships—one of which was one of the primary focuses in this book—Nichole, a woman he met at his friend Don’s parent’s fiftieth wedding anniversary. Strange enough, Hill Harper's antics reminded me a lot of another entry I wrote "Relationship with a player, is it worth the effort?"
At one point, I kept a highlighter handy to mark the excerpts I liked the most—the explanation of oxytocin and why women tend to feel more connected to men, my celebration that Hill Harper agrees with me about getting tested for HIV/AIDS regularly and how it can bring people “closer together,” Karla’s explanation for dating black men that sounded like it was stolen right out of my mouth (we’re even the same age, 28), Harper’s ridiculous opinion that sending a text message when he was busy on set was “juvenile,” and my favorite unknown authored quote “Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we’re here we should dance.”
This book was such an interesting read that I’ll probably go back through it later on down the line. I’d give it a five on a five-point scale.
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