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Avoiding office gossip and politics without seeming anti-social
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While there are certainly opinions to the contrary, I am a strong believer in staying out of office gossip and politics at all costs. But, as a young professional, how do you do so without alienating your co-workers?
1. Get to work early. “If you’re at your desk when the crowd gathers, you’re less likely to attract attention, or take on friendly-fire yourself,” said Bonnie Russell, founder of 1st-pick.
2. Be aware of the negative “types” in an office. “The ‘Constant Complainer’ is always looking for a new ear to complain to—they start off being very nice but then quickly start pointing out all that is wrong with an organization. If you are cornered by the constant complainer, never agree with them—just smile and keep repeating how lucky you are to be given this opportunity. They will tire of you and move on,” said April Callis, a workplace issues consultant and creator of Gossip Stoppers.
“Another type is the ‘Boss’s Buddy,” she continued. “Every boss has a friend in the department who is looking for new employees to influence. The buddy will imply that they have inside information and will make you feel important by sharing the insider news. The downside is that you become isolated from the rest of the department, and when completely isolated, the buddy will dump you, leaving you alone and disliked. When the buddy approaches you with problems or requests for lunch, invite others to share in the solution brainstorming or the outing. Stay connected to the group.”
3. Find a mentor. “Identify a longstanding employee who is task-oriented and professional. Look for someone with known integrity. Use that person as a role model and try to develop a mentor-mentee relationship with him or her. The company an employee keeps will define his or her identity in the organization to a large extent,” said Dr. Diane Swanson, professor of management and professional ethics at Kansas State University. “An appropriate mentored relationship will also shield the employee from criticism that he or she is being anti-social. A good mentor can guide the entry-level employee in the right direction and help that employee develop appropriate work habits.”
4. Be discreet. “Most people need to vent, and few are perfect about choosing the optimum time and place. If someone says something to you, the best advice is to simply let it go in one ear and out the other,” said Debra Yergen, author of “Creating Job Security Resource Guide.”
5. Validate. “If the subject is about how the speaker feels hurt by someone else’s actions, validate but don’t support. ‘Sometimes people don’t think about the impact they have on others. I’m sorry she hurt your feelings,’” said Yergen.
6. Be conversationally tactful. “When you feel a particular conversation is taking a turn towards ‘gossipsville,’ change its direction. This can be done simply by mentioning something work-related. Those who like to gossip usually can identify others of the same feather. If you come across as someone who is not interested in those types of conversations, opportunities to become engaged in them quickly diminishes,” said Ken Wisnefski, president of WebiMax.com.
7. Change the subject. “If someone approaches you with a leading statement like, ‘Did you hear about…’ what should you do? Even if you just listen and don’t join the conversation, you are enabling the gossiper. Change the subject. ‘So, Susan, how was your weekend?’” said Dr. Dennis S. Reina, co-author of “Trust and Betrayal in the Workplace: Building Effective Relationships in Your Organization.”
8. Keep your opinions to yourself. “Keep your personal opinions of your co-workers personal. If you must vent, that’s what best friends are for. Occasionally, sharing non-descript positive feedback can’t hurt, but nothing more. Remember, today’s peer could be tomorrow’s boss,” said Karen Fuqua, president of Fuqua Consulting Group.
9. Play the youth card. “When an older or more experienced employee tries to draw an intern or entry-level employee into office politics by asking them to agree that so-and-so takes credit for the work of others or that the boss is a wimp who lies to avoid conflict, my advice is don’t engage. You very well may have an opinion about the boss or the so-and-so, but don’t share it. Use your youth and inexperience to your advantage in this situation and say something like, ‘I’ve been so focused on learning my job that I haven’t noticed, or ‘I guess I’m just not experienced enough to even have an opinion on that!’” said Janet Smith, an employee morale consultant at The Power of Goodwill, LLC.
10. Initiate non-political conversations. “Approach colleagues with neutral, non-flammable topics such as movies and sports. Ask them about their family or what they did over the weekend. If others see you as interested in them, they won’t be offended—and might not even notice—your hesitance to participate in political conversations,” said Sandra Naiman, author of “The High Achiever's Secret Codebook: The Unwritten Rules for Success at Work.”
Dr. Ben Leichtling, a consultant, speaker and coach, agrees. “Socialize in other practical ways—bring candy, donuts or power bars and mention non-gossip subjects like books, movies and television shows you’ve seen.”
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