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I asked my doctor about telecommuting.
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Be honest: are you telecommute-curious?
Have you ever wondered how it feels on the other side--to be one of them? You know, the cool kids who take meetings in their jammies; don't shave their face/legs for days (or weeks), don't shower until noon; just like the bad boys/girls smoking behind the gymnasium, straddling that line between a responsible adult at work, and a teenager playing hookie. They are The Outsiders of the corporate world. Oh yeah.
Of course you're curious. And you know what? It can be great.
Know what else? It can suck air, too.
So slow down there, Ponyboy. Telecommuting is not for everyone. It takes a self-control and self-motivation. And self-control. Did I say that twice? Well, tough cookies; I'm going to say it again. It Takes Self-Control. And not just in the obvious ways.
First, the good parts.
Commuting is no fun on the best of days. It takes time, money, patience, and it makes Al Gore cry. Poor Al Gore. If you're tired of finding parking downtown between wedding limos and newspaper boxes full of hooker catalogs, if you've had enough of dodging quad-mocha swilling SUV-owners, if you've taken that company shuttle from the satellite lot to the edges of the earth once too often, if you've just now realized that the I-15 construction projects will NEVER END (true fact: the workers figured out if they build it on a conveyor belt, the work just keeps coming!), then you may be a good candidate for telecommuting.
If you don't have a fixed schedule, or have in-person meetings all day, or if you don't measure your worth as a human being in the number of ceiling tiles in your office, you may be a good candidate for telecommuting.
If you enjoy the thought of watering the lawn of walking the dog in between meetings, or maybe catching up on the zany adventures of House M.D. or taking a nap on your lunch break, then this may just be the life for you.
Now, the rough part.
Do you need someone popping in to see you periodically to stay motivated? Are you likely to slack off, playing World of Warcraft or watching entire seasons of House M.D. in one sitting if nobody stops you? Then telelcommuting may not be a good fit.
Do you need human contact to feel, well, human? Are you uncomfortable with the thought of only ever hearing the voices of your co-workers on the phone, and seeing them only rarely, if at all? Will you be riddled with guilt if you answer fifteen emails and take a meeting before you even get out of bed? This might not be the life for you.
And the two sneaky ones that people don't really expect when they join the ranks of the remote:
Are you apt to sign in and start working at 5 AM, and not log off until bedtime every single day? Great, you're a dedicated employee. We get it. Guess what? We'll outlive you by a decade. Do yourself a favor and keep the cubicle; laziness may be a career-ender, but gross overwork can be a life-ender.
And when you signed up for the telecommuting program, you did remember that home is where you KEEP ALL OF THE FRIGGIN' FOOD, RIGHT? Because you will be painfully aware of that fact when you're there all day long. Alone. And they're always there: chips...soda...cookies...nuts. Calling you, like little salty-sweet Sirens, drawing you into the rocky cliffs of morbid obesity. If you can't take the heat, stay far, far away from the kitchen.
It can be rewarding, and, if it's a good fit for your job and personality, it can increase your productivity and job satisfaction. Just be aware of what you're getting into before you give up your parking spot, or it can mean more than losing some productivity: it could mean losing your job, and damaging your health.
And I'm not just talking about the consequences of Darry and Sodapop finding you sluffing off watching Howdy Doody, when you should be polishing brass knuckles for the big rumble.
Jeremy D Brooks obviously read The Outsiders too many times as a teenager. He can be reprimanded for excessive insider jokes at examiner@jeremydbrooks.com
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