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How to survive your spouse's travel (Part 1)
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You get a call mid-morning from your spouse. Plans for tonight and the next few days will have to change for your whole family. A big project at your honey's work has derailed and they need your spouse to save the day. You've been through this before so you sigh, hang-up and start mentally re-planning the rest of your day and rest of the week. Or maybe your honey comes home to tell you that a scheduled trip is on the horizon?
Either way, these conversations happen a lot in a surprising number of marriages.
My husband travels for work. He has since I've known him (almost 13 years). Some years have been filled with a staggering amount of travel. (When my son was three he thought daddy didn't live with with us anymore. Daddy did live at home. He was just gone that much.) Thankfully the amount of travel has been diminishing each year.
Travel isn't just difficult for the person packing a suitcase. It can also be tough for the spouse at home. And that person can often feel overwhelmed, abandoned and resentful. (Hey that was me years ago.) And the stress of it all can affect one's health. According to a study by the National Institutes of Heath found that "overall, male and female spouses of travelers filed claims for medical treatment at about a 16% higher rate than spouses of non-travelers."
While being the "home spouse" can be tough, there are things one can do to make life easier. And if life is easier, you, your marriage and your family will hopefully be a bit healthier. I've asked some friends whose spouses travel for their tips. (Some live in the St. Louis, Missouri area. Some don't.) Here's what they had to say:
Jennifer McClure of Glen Carbon, Ill. says, "Plan for a reprieve every three days, even if it's just someone to watch them for a few hours so you can get out and run errands alone. Also, when people offer to help, graciously accept!"
Jenny Mondt of Aviston, Ill. agrees. When her honey is away? I "call my mother!"
Seattle, Wash. mom Carrie Blankenship tailors her strategy to the length of her husband's trips. "Depends on how long he is gone, but if more than a few days I try to schedule fun stuff, even if only the park or beach, with friends. And...I also call my mom and go to bed early because dang it, those kids can be exhausting at times!"
There's no doubt that being the only one left at home to take care of the kids can get taxing. Siobhan Culhane of San Francisco, Calif is also a big advocate of getting more sleep. "Go to bed early," she says. "Trust me. Your kid goes to bed and then you, within a half hour."
Alot of spouses "holding down the fort" tend to keep mealtime simple. A night out to eat can be a treat to everyone left at home. Scott Wheeler of St. Louis, Mo. has a wife who knows this: "My wife likes to take the kids out to dinner at Ponderosa whenever I'm out of town!"
At times, having a spouse with a hectic travel schedule can feel isolating for the home spouse. Sometimes simply knowing there are others out there who also have a traveling spouse can help. If that's the case for you, visit Workitmom.com or visit their message board to find a few more spouses across the nation who are in the same boat.
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