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Setting respectful boundaries
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As a woman, mother or wife, you have to ensure you set appropriate boundaries. Respect is an essential part of any relationship. But knowing you deserve respect is just as important as receiving it. Women can ensure people respect them by confidently expecting it.
Psychologist Gwendolyn Goldsby-Grant once said that we teach people how to treat us and then get upset when they do. This statement delves into the heart of what everyone wants . . . respect. If you want respect, then you have to clearly demand it.
Respect is necessary for any relationship to exist peacefully. My five year old son became upset when his junior counselor ate a few of his pretzels during lunch time without permission. He was very upset. I wanted to address his feelings, but also avoid appearing petty. I decided to have my son talk to the junior counselor with me in his presence. He was very uncomfortable but finally told the counselor that he was upset that she ate his pretzels and the next time he wanted her to ask before taking any. She apologized and my son was satisfied.
This conflict for my son represents our own lives. How many times have you felt disrespected but failed to address the situation? You create boundaries for others to follow in order for relationships to work. If you want to be treated differently, you have to communicate with the offender so he knows how to interact with you in the future. Many times people complain to their friends or family, but never to the person who is at fault. For change to occur, you must find the confidence to confront the offender.
Confronting someone about prior infractions can be intimidating. There is never a comfortable moment to tell someone she has crossed the line. But the sooner it is done, the sooner the problem will be resolved.
Here are a few tips to help regain respect and maintain composure.
- Know your boundaries. Have a mental list of appropriate and inappropriate ways in which people can interact with you.
- Enforce your boundaries. Boundaries are going to be crossed, because that is how people learn what is and is not acceptable to you. When they are crossed, address them immediately, firmly and calmly. Many times we ignore mistreatment. If you ignore it, the person will repeat the same behavior because you have not corrected her.
- It’s not personal. Most of the time, people treat others the same way. If they are rude to you, chances are they have been rude to others as well. After you vent (privately) remove yourself from the emotional attachment. Realize that many times someone’s actions have more to do with that person than with you. Recognizing that it is not personal will allow you to address the issues quickly and effectively.
The more you enforce your boundaries, the more people will respect you. Increase your confidence by practicing enforcement with your children, spouse and friends. The more you do it in your personal life, the easier it will get in your professional life. You deserve respect and you owe it to yourself to demand it.
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