Santa's toy bailout stalls in Senate

December 11, 2:19 PMPolitical Issues ExaminerJudah Freed

Previous Next

2 comments Print Email RSS Subscribe

Subscribe

Get alerts when there is a new article from the Political Issues Examiner. Read Examiner.com's terms of use.

Email Address   Include other special offers from Examiner.com Terms of Use

Santa Claus studying the toy bailout plan.
(AP Photo/Carolyn Kaster)

Hope for a $14 billion North Pole toy workshops bailout bill dimmed today from growing Senate opposition on both sides of the isle despite support by outgoing President Georgie W. Plush and President-elect Brick Oboya.

A similar bill passed the House yesterday. Under the plan, a Plush-appointed "toy tzar" would control the bridge loans, and this person would be mandated to revoke the loans next spring if Santa's toymakers have not yet made viable deals with labor unions and creditors to restructure their operations.

This legislation had emerged Monday as a behind-the-scenes compromise deal between majority Democrats and the White House. Their joint statement about the dangers of rising joblessness among elves and humans alike initially helped reverse lost momentum for the toy industry bailout.

"If we act today, we can seize the chance for an American toy industry that is leaner, greener and once again competitive," said House Majority Leader Stony River. "But if we do nothing, we face the risk that, sometime soon, there will be no American toy industry to speak of."

President Plush said the economy can't withstand more massive layoffs. Oboya said the country can't sit back and watch the toy industry collapse because a shutdown would produce a "devastating ripple effect" on the injured economy, which already suffers from unemployment at the highest levels in 26 years.

The U.S. Commerce Department estimates that at least one in every ten jobs is somehow connected to the toy industry, including manufacturing, distribution, marketing, and sales, plus all the local small business ventures that support the supply chain nationwide and globally.

"We cannot let the toy industry fail," said Senate Majority Leader Hairy Reindeer. "Capitalism depends on sales to consumers, and nobody will buy a toy from a company in bankruptcy." 

Although these arguments seemed persuasive, toy bailout opponents regained ground today when Senate Republican Leader Scrooge McDougle spoke against the bill in a fervent speech from the well of the Senate.

The proposed measure "isn't nearly tough enough," said the venerable bluegrass Republican, calling instead for a new bill that would offer federal aid only if North Pole toymakers slashed worker wages and benefits to bring them in line with Japanese toymakers operating U.S. plants.

Such an approach is a "nonstarter" for Democrats who depend on labor unions for campaign support.

Republicans are directly challenging Plush, now in the last six weeks of his presidency. They insist that along with concessions from toy workers and creditors, they will only support a bill that drops the tough environmental rules that toymakers would have to meet under the House version of the rescue plan.

Democrat opponents, in turn, say the bailout bill actually is not tough enough on environmental standards, such toxic paint on wooden soldiers. They want a significant increase in fun-efficiency.

Another problem among Democrats is that the toymaker bailout bill has been cluttered up with unrelated provisions to serve special interests. For instance, Democrat Sen. Blaire Witchproject, who represents a toy manufacturing state, declared she now opposes the bill because of a section that gives a pay raise to federal dogwalkers. She said the pay raise, inserted in the bill by Sen. Reindeer, "sends the wrong message to Americans at this scary moment."

Bailout supporters will need 60 votes to defeat a likely Republican filibuster.

"The alternative to passage is really bad," said Commerce Secretary Carlito S. Whey on Box News. "Santa needs cash to make payments over the next couple of weeks. If not, his workshops nationwide are going to collapse. And that's going to cost hundreds of thousands of jobs."

Little Mary Sunshine, spokesperson for the United Toymakers Guild, told reporters at the North Pole this morning that Santa Claus was unavailable for comment because he was busy determining how snow in New Orleans will effect his holiday schedule. She said that Santa has complete faith Congress will "do the right thing" in time for his annual deliveries on the eve of December 25.

"Santa is making a list of senators and checking it twice," Miss Sunshine said. "He's going to find out who's naughty and nice."

Senators who vote against the toy bailout will find something much worse than "clean coal" in their stockings this year, she hinted.
 

  |  Bookmark this on Delicious

A REQUEST: Please comment on this column and interact with others who post comments. At the same time, please keep your comments relevant to the topic of the posting above. If a column is about apples, for example, please do not post a comment about kittens. instead post a comment that at least deals with fruit, so to speak. Thanks.