Keeping perspective in college admissions

January 31, 2:08 PMCollege Admissions ExaminerLauren Starkey

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This morning while I was co-leading SAT Bootcamp, a question from one of the students made me think about how the admissions process feels from his vantage point. With a son who’s a junior and a daughter in her freshman year in college, it’s not as if I haven’t had plenty of first-hand knowledge of the stresses they feel. But Ian’s question reminded me of what is lost when you focus so intently and exclusively on getting into college.

He wondered why high school can’t just be an experience in itself. “Should I only be worried about how everything looks on an application? It doesn’t seem like I am focusing on high school, when I’m doing everything I can to get good test scores, take the right classes, and get good grades to get me to the next four years.”    

When high school becomes simply a means to an end, it’s not just education that’s out of focus. This time should be about personal growth, social interaction, and experiences that lead students to a better understanding of their strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes. As Boston Globe columnist and English teacher at Boston College High School Ron Fletcher remarked when I interviewed him last September, “what I’m seeing is a loss of the high school experience itself. Parents get involved with selecting courses and extracurriculars with an eye on the future. Their anxiety gets transferred to their kids, and the focus shifts from high school.”

The question then becomes what can we as parents do to help our students experience high school while still assisting them in preparing for and applying to college? Ron had some great advice: “Parents need to stop steering their kids into spending time doing what they think is right. There’s no reflection on what the student feels moved to do. I encourage my students and their parents to reflect on what’s really important. Concentrate on perspective and balance.”

Remind yourself, and your son or daughter, that the high school years aren’t time in a holding pattern. Their only focus should not be on what happens next. Encourage him or her to stretch and grow without fear of whether an experience is “application worthy.” Point out that an SAT score isn’t a measure of intelligence. And offer your unconditional love, support, and wisdom. You’re the adult: keep it in perspective.