Holidays 411: How to ensure your relatives enjoy your kids during the holidays

November 18, 10:29 AMBaby and Toddler ExaminerDarby Herrington

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Keeping relatives happy is not easy.

You may think it is a given that your relatives will adore your little ones when they spend time with them this holiday season.  But think again.  No matter how well-behaved you think your children are, there is always someone in the room who thinks they are not. 

Usually it is someone like your great-aunt Edna, who never had kids and looks down her big, disapproving nose at anything under four feet tall.  Aunt Edna is a master of passive-aggressive remarks; declaring them loud enough for everyone to hear and laying the guilt on thick.  Although the sting of her remarks is meant solely for you, she directs them at your kids, feigning warmth and helpfulness.  "Now dear, proper children use a napkin to clean their face, not their sleeves.  Doesn't your mother give you napkins?"

Or maybe it is your brother and his wife, whose kids are in college and no longer make fart noises or shout "poopy doody" across the dinner table.  These are out-of-practice parents who look disapprovingly at your kids while they brag about James studying engineering and Lucas considering ivy league graduate schools.  Umm...hello?  Have they completely forgotten what it was like when little Jamie and little Lukie were vigorously digging for treasure up their dirty noses and wiping their slimy discoveries on each other?  How about when they went through their kicking-people-in-the-shins-for-giggles phase?  All of a sudden they are mature geniuses, and their delusional parents amazingly believe their kids never acted like yours. 

You should not care an ounce what those relatives think, but it is not always easy to brush off their looks and comments.  While you can try to minimize your child's unsavory behavior leading up to the holidays, such as working on improving table manners over the next few weeks, you might just want to save yourself the time and stress. 

I am not suggesting you just throw in the towel and let your kids run rampant like uncaged monkeys on Red Bull.  Oh no, I want you to get clever.  I want you to get tricky.  This is where we collectively rub our hands together, lean back in our chairs and say "Mwuahh hah haahh." 

Pay attention, folks.  Your sanity could depend on this.

Use smoke and mirrors

This should be almost second-nature for parents.  Anyone with a baby or toddler knows, instant distraction is a saving grace.  Fussy baby?  Dangle the remote in front of him and watch as he instantly calms down and delights in its wonder.  Toddler relentlessly asking for a cookie before dinner?  Declare it to be fort-building time and run into the living room with blankets and pillows and see who can build a fort the fastest. 

You can use the distraction tactic in two ways: 1) distract your kids, or 2) treat your relatives like your kids and distract them.  Distracting your kids is self-explanatory.  Distracting your adult relatives takes a little more finesse but it is essentially the same. 

When you see your toddler pull his pants down in the living room to show his butt to his cousin again, be quick and decisive and direct the attention elsewhere, "Oh Aunt Edna, did you do something different with your hair?  It looks so nice!"  Or, to your sister-in-law, "Jennifer!  You absolutely must share your crab dip recipe with me.  Let's get a pen and paper!"

Carry a small photo book of favorite pictures from your last vacation to show to relatives at key moments. Bring up your most interesting stories and speak with excitement to keep relatives engaged.  If they are focusing on you or something else, they are much less likely to notice when your son pees in the philodendron in the hall. 

Tone it down or let it go

Every time you catch your child doing something wrong and you intervene, everyone nearby becomes a spectator to your parental moment as you exclaim, "No, Olivia!  Do NOT hit your brother with your fork!"  Tone it down, or if it is something that will not hurt anyone or anything, let it go altogether.  Quietly swoop in, take the fork away from Olivia and give her a look to remind her that what she was doing was not okay.  Without saying a word or attracting attention to the situation, hand her a carrot from the cru d'ete and immediately return to what you were doing.  Make it as seamless a transition as possible, and people are less likely to think anything of it.  For the smaller behavioral infractions, just let it go and stick to distracting the relatives.

The kids' table

This is one of those instances where segregation is acceptable.  When I was a kid and got a little older, I resented being stuck at the kids' table and thought it was a horrible treatment by the adults.  Now, I totally get it. 

Keep the kids separate from the adults during mealtime by having a kids' table in the other room.  It is truly the best of both worlds.  The kids get to have some freedom with their siblings and cousins, and the adults get to have a nice, sophisticated meal without interruption. 

Pigtails and bow ties go a long way

Okay, I admit it is a little shameless to "pimp" your children with the ulterior motive of fooling people into believing they are little angels.  But if Uncle Tom can get away with wearing a toupee without anyone criticizing, why can't you doll up the kiddies? 

Up the cuteness factor and see your relatives excuse your child's squirming, whining and even her nose-picking.  Put your little girl in pigtails and a cute holiday dress, or your little boy in an oxford with a bow tie, and watch magic happen. 

The last resort - booze

Yes, I said it.  Booze.  If your family includes Jack Daniels and Johnnie Walker on the invite list for their holiday celebrations, use them to your advantage.  I am not telling you to get drunk when you should be watching your children.  I am merely suggesting you keep the glasses of your relatives nice and full. 

A healthy buzz will keep them happy and delighted in your kids, no matter what they are doing.  This allows you to sit back and relax, even when you notice your toddler sticking his fingers in Aunt Edna's cocktail.  Edna will see him, give him a slow smile while she straightens his bow tie and slur, "What a cckhuuutie pie." 

You can pat yourself on the back after that and feel good about tweaking the holidays just enough to ensure everyone enjoys themselves and your kids.  

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