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Obama is coming for our pocket knives
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If you were worried that the government was going to take away your guns, you can rest easy for a minute; first they’re coming after your pocket knives, by broadening the definition of ‘switchblade.’
This broad-definition tactic is a classic government move; the assault rifle ban re-defines ‘assault rifle’ to include any scary-looking semi-auto rifle (many hunting rifles included), instead of fully automatic rifles originally designated by the term. The Harrison Narcotics Tax Act, designed to restrict opium trafficking, incorrectly included cocaine in the definition of ‘narcotics’ (cocaine is a stimulant, not a narcotic).
The proposed redefinition for folding knives would classify any knife that can be opened with one hand as a ‘swtichblade,’ which could be applicable to 80% of folding knives currently sold in the US. Most folding knives have thumb studs on the blade for easy one-hand opening, and for good reason: it dramatically increases ease of use, and it saves time.
I personally own a few of these bad boys, and can testify that they are a godsend. I can hold a trout with one hand and flick a gutting knife open with the other. I can use the television remote control while menacing a houseguest at the same time. I can grab two of these suckers (one in each hand) and then whittle like a machine.
Seriously, what is the point of this legislation – to force the tiny number of criminals who use knives as their primary weapon to take an extra 1.5 seconds before deploying their blades? Are we trying to cut down violence in productions of West Side Story? Do we even have a knife problem in the US that needs addressing?
The answer to the last question is, comparatively, no. The UK has more than double our rates of knife crime. Seems like everyone in the UK must walk around with a knife! Nope, it turns out that the UK has extremely restrictive knife laws, which guarantee that the only people armed with knives (or anything) are criminals. Google ‘knife crime’ and see how many stories from the US pop up. Congrats, jolly old chaps. You’ve managed to disarm your entire law-abiding population. And, since government anywhere has never caused a problem it couldn’t fix without causing another problem, currently there is a push in the UK for adoption of these new anti-stab-knives.
You can call me paranoid and crazy (and you wouldn’t be the first to do so), but I do feel safer knowing that there are multiple assisted-opening folding knives (along with a samurai sword, a throwing knife and a whole bevy of steak knives) within the confines of my apartment. Not as safe as I would feel with a .357, but in a world of random home invasions and robberies-gone-bad, I feel safer than I would otherwise.
Knives are useful. Are they dangerous? Potentially, but so are skateboards, bottles, screwdrivers, sharpened sticks, teenagers and elderly drivers. We accept some danger in our everyday lives, because walking around in a helmet and life jacket makes you look like a dolt. For the sake of liberty we can hope that something this dumb doesn’t go through. However, if you’re pessimistic, you might want to invest in a company called Boardwalk, which manufactures the only utensil that will be legal in the near future: the spork. I hear it works great on tofu.
