The 25 best things anyone ever said about poker

June 4, 11:05 AMDC Poker ExaminerMatt Pusateri

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Photo Credit: Flickr/Chris Chappelear

With that in mind, here are my 25 favorite quotes about poker:

1. "Poker is alot like sex, everone thinks they are the best, but most don't have a clue what they are doing." — Dutch Boyd
2. "The poker player learns that sometimes both science and common sense are wrong; that the bumblebee can fly; that, perhaps, one should never trust an expert; that there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of by those with an academic bent." — David Mamet
3. Whether he likes it or not, a man's character is stripped bare at the poker table; if the other poker players read him better than he does, he has only himself to blame. Unless he is both able and prepared to see himself as others do, flaws and all, he will be a loser in poker, as in life. — Anthony Holden, author of Big Deal
4. "Luck never gives; it only lends." — Swedish Proverb
5. “The game exemplifies the worst aspects of capitalism that have made our country so great.” — Walter Matthau
6. "The commonest mistake in history is underestimating your opponent; it happens at the poker table all the time." — David Shoup
7. "If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and and can't tell who the sucker is, it's you" — (Various attributions... some say Paul Newman)
8. "In the absence of any mathematical explanation, one thing is for certain; if you engage in games of chance long enough, the experience is bound to affect the way you see God. Successfully draw to an inside straight three hands in a row, and you’ve got to be blessed. But if you’re the person drawn out on, the one whose trip aces just got snapped for the third time, you will go home feeling cursed." — Andy Bellin, Poker Nation
9. "Baseball is like a poker game. Nobody wants to quit when he's losing; nobody wants you to quit when you're ahead" — Jackie Robinson
10. “You never really learn to swear until you learn to play poker.” — Unknown
11. "Poker is generally reckoned to be America's second most popular after-dark activity. Sex is good, they say, but poker lasts longer." — Alfred Alvarez
12. "Poker reveals to the frank observer something else of import — it will teach him about his own nature. Many bad players do not improve because the cannot bear self-knowledge." — David Mamet
13. "There are two theories about how to avoid bad beats. Neither one works." — Unknown
14. "Put yourself in their shoes before you decide on the best way to take their shirts." — David Sklansky
15. “Poker is a funny game, just not a ‘ha-ha’ funny game” — some knucklehead at my home game
16. "To succeed in life surround yourself with geniuses; to succeed in poker surround yourself with morons." — Unknown
17. "It never hurts for potential opponents to think you're more than a little stupid and can hardly count all the money in your hip pocket, much less hold on to it." — Amarillo Slim
18. "When a man with money meets a man with experience, the man with experience leaves with money and the man with money leaves with experience." — Unknown
19. "When you're playing poker, you don't know the answer to that until after the cards are laid down, and then it's too late" — Fred Thompson
20. “Between ‘too good to be true’ and ‘worse than you imagined,’ bet on ‘worse.’ ” — Unknown
21. "Living in the past is a Jethro Tull album, not a smart poker strategy." — Richard Roeper
22. "It's unlucky to be superstitious."— Dave Enteles, Card Player
23. "God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of his own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e., everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time." — Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman, Good Omens
24. “It is easy to smile at an insult and pretend it's funny when the person insulting you is hosing you with money.” — Alfred Alvarez

And finally, relevant to me and every other would-be poker writer out there...

25. "The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about poker." — Unknown