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An awesome shirt I have no place to wear
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Please note: if you buy this shirt, and then your mom grounds
you, I accept zero responsibility, and kindly request you not
send your parents to my column. Thank you in advance. Truly
Madly Deeply I Love Free Shit V-Neck Tee, $14.99 at
UrbanOutfitters.com.
Before I write an apology for offending anyone reading this article, I just have one thing to say.
This shirt is awesome.
Now, I'm sorry if I've offended any of you.
Here's the thing. This shirt is awesome.
Right, I just said that.
I saw this at Urban Outfitters, and I laughed out loud, and then called the man I married over to see it.
He laughed too, which is why I love him.
Problem is, I could never get it.
Why, you ask? Well hello, People!? Where am I supposed to wear it?
If I wore it at home, my parents would not think it was funny – well my dad might think it's funny, but my mom would definitely not think so.
I couldn't wear it to hang out with my cousins because that's where Little BFF (my best friend who's 8) lives, and since I'm like her hero in life, that would be setting a really bad example.
I couldn't wear it to my in-laws' place because that would just be wrong. Although, there is a chance that it could be so offensive that MIL and FIL would feel too uncomfortable to say anything, which means that I could get away with wearing it except I'd probably be uncomfortable all day thinking about what they're thinking, and that would suck all the fun out of having a shirt that's so awesome, and one I got on sale.
Okay, next house...
If I wore it to my sister's place, my brother-in-law would likely laugh, but my sister would give me a disapproving look after which her husband's encouraging smirk might dwindle away – unless of course, I got one for her too – that might pacify any pending judgment.
If I wore it in public, it would be a total misrepresentation of Islam since I wear hijab, and I am so easily recognizable as being a Muslim women.
Being recognizable = awesome.
Misrepresenting = not so awesome.
If I wore it at home, the man I married would think it's funny, but then he'd be worried that Felix (our pseudo child who just turned 3) might ask me what my shirt says, and then I'd have to tell him, and really, who wants to teach their adorable stuffed giraffe bad words when all that adorable stuffed giraffe wants to do is practice his karate?
He's so sweet and innocent.
Ew! I know! I could get this as a gift for one of my friends whose personality it suits, and then live vicariously through them.
Now there's an idea.
Until then, I guess I'm just locked into admiring this piece from afar.
Sometimes, life really is *that* tough.
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