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Despite living in an age of 24/7 communication (email, cell phones, IM, etc.) many Americans are lonelier than ever-- and it's showing up in their waistlines. psychotherapist Dorothea Hover-Kramer Ed.D., RN has been counseling people for over 30 years and says, "I would say there is a strong link between emotional distresses such as loneliness and overeating. Many clients attempt to fill the voids in their lives with comfort foods instead of creating a life worth living. Such a life requires courage and willingness. It all begins with clear intention to do something beyond ourselves, to help someone or an animal, to connect with a purpose greater than our looking at our own wishes."
Dr. Carole Lieberman MD, a Beverly Hills psychiatrist also says that there are connections between loneliness and obesity. "The most obvious is that if someone is obese, they feel bad about themselves, ashamed about their weight and less likely to take steps to make friends because they are afraid of being rejected," says Lieberman, a Clinical Faculty member of UCLA's Neuropsychiatric Institute.
This obviously can turn into a vicious cycle. Dr. Michelle May, author of Am I Hungry? What to Do When Diets Don’t Work and Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat--says that the cycle begins with loneliness, which then leads a person to eat large quantities of comfort foods to feel better, which in turn leads to obesity, then social isolation and so on. "It's critical to recognize this underlying cycle because traditional methods of weight loss primarily address the “Eat too much” phase when in fact, for many obese individuals, the solution lies in addressing WHY they eat, not just WHAT they eat." adds, Dr. May who is also a mindful eating expert.
Some people overeat and are lonely because they've experienced some type of a loss (i.e. job, spouse, etc.). However, psychotherapist, Patricia Ravitz, MFT, says that--"Most overeaters are caretakers, often involved in one-way "friendships" where they spend their time listening to others and being a support person. But for most compulsive overeaters, food is their best friend. Food is where they turn to seek solace and soothing. But food is only an inadequate substitute for real friendship, a relationship where trust allows you to expose your deep hurts, fears and needs. So often, even though the compulsive overeater may appear to have many friends, they are usually deeply lonely and relationship avoidant."
So how can people with loneliness and weight issues cope? Psychotherapist Mary Jo Rapini, from the TLC/Discovery's hit show, Big Medicine runs several support groups for obese patients at Methodist Hospital in Houston, TX. She says that the mantra she teaches them is to "Get the feeling out without eating it. Which involves teaching them through [activities like] journaling, self portraits, and body tracing.
Nutritionist and dietitian, Maye Musk, MS RD, who has a private practice in New York city, asks all of her clients if they eat more when lonely, stressed, anxious, depressed, tired, or bored. She says, "I set them a meal and activity plan that suits their lifestyle. They keep track of everything they eat during the week and give me reasons for making poor eating choices."
Musk gives the following strategies to her clients who eat more when lonely:
She adds, "Once they conquer that lonely feeling and replace it with a good feeling, they become much happier people."