Chiefs full of tricks this season, very few treats

October 31, 10:44 AMKansas City Chiefs ExaminerDan Rose

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What should your Chiefs give out this Halloween to good little trick or treaters?

Food Network photo

In honor of Halloween today, and because I’ve grown tired of writing things about Larry Johnson, let’s take a fanciful look at what candy some of the Chiefs might be giving out tonight to lucky trick-or-treaters.

Matt Cassel: Nestle Crunch bars. Cassel has been sacked 23 times in six games and has been crunched dozens more. I really like what I see out of Cassel and I believe that he can lead this team into the playoffs. Accuracy concerns have cropped up a little, but the mistakes he’s making can all be fixed.

Ryan Succup and Dustin Colquitt: Snickers. When your team MVP’s could be your two kickers, you know you’re not having the best year. And we all know that to “snicker” is another word for laughing. Too bad I’m not.

The Offensive Line: Cherry Mash. Nobody loves cherries and cherry flavor more than me, but I couldn’t ever stomach these mutant candy bars. A giant disappointment whenever I found these in my candy bag, the Mash part of this candy could also be a reference to the popular TV show “M*A*S*H” and the constant injuries this unit has suffered from all year.

Dwayne Bowe: Wait for it ... wait for it ... wait for it ... Butterfingers!!!! I know, I know ... too easy.

Todd Haley: Circus Peanuts. Possibly the worst candy ever invented and it doesn’t help that Coach makes you sprint to his fence and back if you don’t yell “Trick or Treat´ properly.

Defensive Line: Milk Duds. Dud pretty much sums up how the line has played so far. Like Milk Duds, they’re not horrible, but they’re just ... so-so.

Scott Pioli: Three Musketeers. Only because the logo on the front reminds him of the New England Patriots and the wrapper is the Pats color scheme.

Brandon Flowers: Frozen Milky Way. Ever since the Overland Park Pool at 104th and Roe started selling frozen Milky Way bars at their concession stands in the 70’s, I have never eaten an unfrozen bar since. They are my favorite. Flowers is my favorite Chief right now.

Mike Vrabel: M&M’s. Outrageously simple, yet deceptively good.

Jamaal Charles: York Peppermint Patties. Still waiting for Charles to give us that “whoosh” feeling and take our breath away consistently. Maybe LJ has opened the door for the talented running back to shine.

Tamba Hali: Kit-Kats. Like the wonderful candy bar, I can’t tell you why I love Hali so much, but I do. My brother and I used to fight over the Kit-Kats like Hali fights to get to the QB. Vastly underrated.

Bobby Wade: Hershey’s chocolate bar. Plain, simple, a little boring, but satisfying. Just like Wade has been for the Chiefs.

Clark Hunt: toothbrushes. Doing what’s best for the team’s health, but not much fun. Kind of like this year has been.

And finally,

Larry Johnson: Dum-dums. Although maybe we Chiefs fans have been the suckers when it comes to Johnson for all these years? 

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