Leave Octomom alone

May 11, 11:30 PMAnchorage Family ExaminerKellie Davis

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Several news articles have been stating that Nadya Suleman, the Octomom has been up to no good. She has allegedly told someone that she had fibroids removed and that she can get pregnant more easilly now, and other articles say that they are precancerous.  

I feel that Suleman, if the negative writers are correct in her allegedly stating that she can have more kids with these fibroids removed, that she has been put on the defense and that she is not going to cry "uncle" and say she is done. She will be 80 and still the Octomom. She doesn't have to court the press. This lady can't run up to the corner store without people taking out their cell cams. Even for someone who seems to have initially wanted to court the press, this has to be getting old for her. Does she really tell random people about her health issues?

Saying that having all these children was a mistake would be a mistake on her part. Calling them a mistake would not make her life easier, as people would complain and accuse her of not wanting them or not caring for them properly. Since so many have already said that she just can't take care of them all, she would be under more scrutiny.

I have nine kids (from 11 conceptions) and I do a great job with them. Sure, we struggle, but it's with money, not love. Sometimes our parents step in to help us, and I found out that people with much smaller families get frequesnt help fromt he grandparents; that is what they are there for, to help with the next generation, and the kids are happy and Mom and Dad get them to those things. My eldest two are doing great so far and they still come home to the craziness for peace of mind! This loving chaos has created (so far) two amazing older kids who have been promoted in their jobs because they handle dealing with co-workers and the public so well, which they attribute to thier large, secure and loving parents. One is in public safety and the other is considering it is she doesn't go into personel. They did not constantly babysit, but they did go shopping with me and keep the younger ones in order while I picked out fresh vegetables and paid for things. They played together, they would help me with dinner and they'd even sometimes cook for an unappreciative audience!

When my husband and I were having children, I miscarried #3 and #8. I had "friends" squealing with delight, "Oh Kellie! I'm so happy for you! Aren't you relived that you aren't having it?" Relieved that I was not having a baby? How could people say such things? It hurt to lose those pregnancies, and we are set up biolically to feel the loss, even if our life circumstances are not in our favor. Miscarriage is painful psychologically if not physiologically. Later I was able to see a bigger picture and feel that there was some Divine purpose, but it would be a year or two later each time and it had to happen on my own. How do women cope with having to eliminate conceptions that are implanted? She took a risk for herself that I doubt I would have taken, but those babies are here.

But it's wasn't just about miscarriage. As much as I hated admitting it to myself, being pregnant and defending myself had become part of my identity for many, many months. When I had my tube (singular tube) tied after my ninth child, I had been pregnant for 81 months PLUS the time I'd been pregnant with the miscarriages. What would I do with myself? (I found things to do, just as I'm sure Ms. Suleman will find things to do! I'm still busy and can't commit to something like a full time job, but I job out.) Will Ms. Suleman have a period of shock when her kids are all in school?

I have seen no reason to think that Nadya Suleman is anything less than a good mother. (Of course, I don't spend much time reading about her, but I did for this piece.) Certainly her nerves get frayed, even people with the best jobs get frazzled. Her lawyer is Gloria Allred and she, as I have heard, has a massive case load (or did before she became Gloria Allred.) Did anyone doubt Gloria's ability to handle a huge caseload even if she was a stereotypical young lawyer billing 80 hours a week? Octomom's kids are here. I don't like that taxpayer money may be going to support them, but every dollar spent on her and those precious babies probaby stays in California unless she is stretching her dollars and buying things on Ebay. or special out of state sales. OK, so she is getting something that the rest of us are not getting. . . it's not fair. So be it! The people who complain don't have her responsibilities.

I wish Nadya Suleman the very best. I hope that she gets peace of mind and raises her responsibilities well. Those kids will grow up to be great people, maybe save the lives of someone, or maybe just be really good parents and live happy lives. The next few years will be crazy-busy for her. Her nerves will be tattered and frayed by the time they are ready for kindergarten, but she will love them and they will love her and their teachers will adore them, even if their mother won't be the greatest volunteer. (She may have a hard time meeting classroom fees every year, too!)