Soft style lovemaking and the art of surrender

June 25, 1:40 PMSF Tantra ExaminerLuminessa Enjara

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One of the most powerful ways for two people to make love is called soft-style lovemaking. This is a more feminine approach to lovemaking. It requires a certain amount of skill on the part of the man but is well worth the time invested to learn.

Tantric lovemaking is vastly different from what most people consider lovemaking. Tantric lovemaking is about merging body, mind, heart, and soul as one. In Tantric lovemaking there are no limits to where you can go since it is primarily about directing the expansion of your sexual energy upward as well as throughout your entire body. With this as a primary focus, the play between two people becomes one of deepening intimacy and connection and of opening the body to more and more blissful states of ecstasy and expanded states of awareness. 

Soft-style lovemaking is a dance of both the masculine and feminine energies between two people, the yin and the yang. It is about surrendering to this energy rather than about fulfilling it through a genital orgasm. The man does not even need to maintain an erection but can continue to build his sexual charge without it. If one is desired, slow, calculated micro-movements, just enough to stay slightly hard, will suffice.

The challenge for men is to remain in a more passive role rather the more dynamic one he may be used to. Soft-style lovemaking is all about the energy flow between you and your partner and the building of that energy without a lot of friction or movement. Some movement may be necessary at first to generate sexual excitement and to build your energy. But since movement can take a man ‘over the edge’ very quickly it is better to cease before you go to that place of no return. The idea here is to learn how to relax deeply into the energy you are experiencing, by softening your body, waiting with open attention and remaining in the moment, going nowhere. This may take as long as an hour but since there is no goal, no hurry and an absence of purpose this becomes an exercise in deep relaxation of all tension without ejaculation.
 

Men, I invite you to learn to access your feminine nature more, to become more relaxed and passive in lovemaking. I realize that this might be quite a challenge to a man who is always in the doing mode. Learning how to become more of a non-doer and to cultivate the ability to let go, is to learn the art of surrender. Learn to raise your sexual energy out of your genitals where the buildup of pressure is, and elevate your energy so that you can feel it spread throughout your entire body. Remember that everything you learn here can also be applied to your life in general. 

Women too might have to train themselves to slow down and build their energy, bringing it up from their genitals as well as to be non-attached to having their partner ejaculate. Both partners are in a non-doing mode, yet they are building the sexual charge and feeling into it from deep within themselves. As this energy circulates from head to toe, the entire body and every cell responds.

None of this can be achieved without studying and mastering the basic elements of Tantric lovemaking first. I only write about this so that you can have a glimpse of what is possible if you desire to have your lovemaking become something that is truly an opportunity to access altered states of consciousness, to experience ecstatic states of bliss that last for very long periods of times and give a profound sense of deep connection and merging with another. 

I have always felt that options are a good thing. The more options we have the more choice we have. Then we can try new things rather than stay stuck in old patterns that are familiar. As I have said before, our sexuality is truly still a vastly unexplored area and Tantric lovemaking gives you the opportunity to explore this area with panache and style. It is an open doorway that can allow you and your partner to go places you never have gone before and to experience states of being with each other and alone that you may have only imagined are available to you.

Adventurers of the spirit, mind and body are perfect candidates for Tantra. I invite you to step into this unknown, unexplored realm. Join me as a fellow adventurer in one of the most exciting and fulfilling worlds available to us.

Once again I highly recommend Victor Gold’s book, The Potency Principles, if you wish to learn more about soft-style lovemaking. I have found this book a wonderful resource for this as well as for understanding the deeper aspects of Tantric lovemaking.   Also, feel free to reveiw any of my previous articles or take a workshop or read a few books like Sexual Ecstacy, The Jewel in the Lotus, both can be found at www.amazon.com .