Lovemaking from the heart

June 21, 9:29 AMSF Tantra ExaminerLuminessa Enjara

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Daniel Holman

“If you lift your sexual energy up to your heart, you will feel the giggle of your Ageless Body.” Chris Griscom, The Ageless Body.

This is what Tantric love making is really all about, the connection of our sexual energy with our heart. You are probably aware by now that Tantra is more than just learning great lovemaking techniques. It is a combination of things that include breathing and sensuality. And a big component is connecting with you heart and that of your partner’s.

Women desire sexual intimacy, which for us means to connect our heart with our partner’s heart and to really feel a connection before we make love. Intimacy stimulates sexual passion for us. As Victor Gold says in his book The Potency Principles,  

Their craving for it is so deep that its absence insures her dissatisfaction at a primal level. No matter how many stimulating tricks a man employs in sex, no matter how accomplished a lover he may be, unless heartfelt love is present, a woman will never feel satisfied to the core.

When I first began studying Tantra, many years ago, I was not fully open to my heart energy when making love. In fact it was so unfulfilling for me to make love without that connection I made the decision to never make love again without my heart being engaged. I did not feel I needed to be in love necessarily. But I needed to be able to connect my sexual energy with my heart and to connect with my partner from that place.

It took me awhile to learn how to open my heart but eventually I did and once I did I found that I could not make love any other way. It did not matter if I was with someone for a night or a life time, the component of love had to be present. I had to feel my partner’s heart and know that we were connected in love in that moment. My most satisfying experiences were ones where I felt a deep heart connection and made love from there.

Sex without love is one dimensional and generally feels flat. Although our bodies may be satisfied our emotional body is not. Often women or men may feel used when the heart is not involved.

For men, it is often more difficult to connect their heart with their genitals. For so many thousands of years sex has been a commodity that can be bought and sold so that our culture has lost the sacredness of the sex act. Men have been given license to buy sex and to some extent have learned to see it as entertainment. As a result men may not have the same need to connect with their hearts for them to be sexual as women do.

For some men connecting their heart and genitals may be a challenge. They may see love as something that happens in the heart and sex only between the legs. They may not be able to merge their need for sex with their need for love. Women on the other hand have pretty much felt that sex and love are intertwined. They generally cannot separate the two. When a woman does she becomes like a man, similar to the character of Samantha in Sex and the City.

For this reason women are more naturally Tantric. We tend to bring the whole inseparable package of our human qualities along for the ride. In fact it has been said that in the ancient teachings of Tantra it was a woman’s job to awaken the man’s heart and to help him to connect his heart with his genitals. This was considered part of the training a woman gave to a man in the art of love.

So what can a man do to begin to connect his sex with his heart? First, he might begin by reading some books on Tantra and the art of lovemaking. There are many to choose from, but the following is an exercise from The Potency Principles which Victor says is very effective.

Pleasure yourself, and as you approach the point of no return stop just short of climaxing. Stop all stimulation and begin to focus on your heart. Rest, and breathe deeply through your nose with the express purpose of filling the chest cavity with your activated sexual energy. The partial loss of your erection and the hardening of your nipples is a signal that the sexual energy has been successfully moved into your heart center.

Remember where the mind goes energy flows so for this to work you must have a clear intention to redirect your energy upward. This exercise may  take some practice. But if you are committed you will eventually be able to redirect your energy and begin to experience your heart and sex energy connection.