My ‘things-to-do list,’ now that I’ve been impeached

January 10, 9:58 AMSpiritual Life ExaminerRabbi Ben Kamin

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Writer’s note: Just got off the phone with Gov. Rod Blagojevich; was wondering if he could appoint me Chief Rabbi of Illinois.  Not a problem—I will put check in mail first thing.  Asked him about his spiritual outlook, given the 114-1 vote to impeach him in the Illinois state legislature.  Inquired if he thought he was a good role model for kids.  He replied (I have to say, a little testily):  “Hey, I was out jogging when they impeached me.  Isn’t that a great example?  No matter how tough things get, and how many people are on your case, you stay in good shape.”

Governor B. also told me (for additional 3 G’s) that he’s in great mental condition and was just completing his things-to-do list:

* Tell wife and kids not to worry; Clinton was impeached as president and look at his speaker’s fees now.

* Go find 3 more Negroes to appoint to open positions in state and federal governments; these will be post-impeachment courtesy specials.

* Get self on “The View” and cry.

* Go into South Side, have it filmed, and say you were in Baghdad for fact-finding mission.

* Annex Gary, Indiana once and for all then sell it back.

* Get “the guys” to swipe all of Milwaukee’s road salt and then announce amazing surplus of same exactly when next blizzard hits Chicago.

* Tell wife and kids not to worry; Clinton was impeached and he can get into any show or party he wants.

* Go to Springfield, give speech reminding people that Lincoln had some strengths, but was inclined to depression and never jogged.

* Ask Treasury Department to bail out Chicago Cubs and then bid off all the private loges.  Oh:  Have “the guys” knock out those field lights at Wrigley Field and restore nostalgia for old Wrigley.  Sell lights to Palin for quick Alaska winter pay-off.

* Get a haircut.