Pamela Anderson stops Russian plan to use whale penis leather in ultimate classic car

November 11, 2:30 PMClassic Autos ExaminerJim Cherry

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Dartz Pombron Monaco Red Edition was modified to suit Pamela Anderson's objections to its whale penis leather interior.

Russians aren't known for half-measures. Their awesome bravery in resisting Hitler's invasion in WWII, their innovations in space exploration, their exploding class of billionaires, exemplify a country that's unafraid of extremes. And in that spirit arrives the Dartz Pombron Moncaco Red Edition, a car intended to be the ultimate in luxury, an "instant classic" if you will. Features include:

• Gold-plated bulletproof windows
• 22" Kremlin Red Star bulletproof wheels
• Tungsten exhaust
• Tungsten and white gold gauges with diamonds and rubies
• White gold diamond and ruby encrusted badges - grill, side and dashboard

When the Dartz Pombron Moncaco Red Edition was announced with great fanfare, its inventors were justly proud of a car they intended to be the last word in luxury. In that pursuit, they researched the most expensive interior material in the world and found that whale penis leather was the ultimate. So, naturally, they boasted of this exclusive feature in their press releases. And that's when the caviar hit the fan. A clamorous hue and cry went up protesting this exploitation of the beloved leviathans. Green Peace and World Wildlife Fund protested, Pam Anderson wrote a letter.

To their credit, the executives at Dartz quickly made a mid-course correction and deleted the whale penis leather from their features list, explaining in a press release:

One month ago DARTZ presented uberluxury armored car with whale penis interior - PROMBRON' (ex.RussoBaltique), lot of people name this car as DARTZ.KOMBAT. As the world's resonance was very huge and DARTZ got lot of angry e-mails from Greenpeace, WWF, and also Pamela Anderson, DARTZ make strong decision to stop their plans regarding such interior.

"We have no any ideas to kill the whale or something like that. All we want - to make just luxury car. Real luxury car which will be world number one car. Our brand was started at 1869 when in Riga was opened Coach Factory or Russo Baltiysky Vagonnij Zavod - PBVZ, and first products was luxury train coaches. At 1907 was made a decision to open Car Department, and at 1909 first car left factory - the name of this car was RussoBalt. This was luxury and sport cars. At 1911 specially for Monaco Rally car got french style name - RussoBaltique. At 1912 factory made world first 4 x 4 wheel drive car, and at 1914 - armored car. All we want to unite luxury and armoring traditions of RussoBalt factory in one car, which brand celebrated 100 years now. At 1922 RussoBalt was renamed to PROMBRON' (ex.RussoBalt).

We just looking for most expensive products for this car - and that's why we choosed whale penis leathure when we checked it is most of most. After wave of protest we realised our mistake and make a decision not to use natural leathure at all. We will focus on world most advanced nanotechnologies to achieve interior highest quality using artificial materials which also was never used for cars. We want to tell our hello to all whales: "Our Sea Brothers! We all know that earth are stand on three whales - we will keep You live! We don't Earth fall down to Ocean!"

Also we make a decision to pay more attention to glass and on our new car model we will use glass which will be made by special technology - from artificial grown chrystals, which will be gold sputerred to cut IR and UV rays, which make driving inconvinient when sun shine."

Best regards,
Leonard F. Yankelovich
DARTZ.EU

So, thanks to Pam Anderson and Green Peace, your Dartz Pombron Moncaco Red Edition seats will be clad in some kind of exotic synthetic, saving the whales and easing the conscience of those who dare to drive the ultimate.

For more info, check the slide show below, see my blog archives, and write to Pam Anderson.