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He’s Just Not That Into You was a remarkable film. It deftly melded cringe-inducing clichés with anti-feminist plot twists, and made you forgive all by masking the dreck with the pleasure of seeing Hollywood’s most beautiful people hook up with each other. Scarlett Johansson was in her underwear, y’all! Best of all, the film, with its cruelly realistic title, was actually a romantic fairy tale. Nonetheless, the all star let down made close to $100 million (and brought Big Love’s adorable Ginnifer Goodwin into the mainstream!). So they’re trying it again.
Garry Marshall, the legend behind a billion Julia Roberts comedies and the Princess Diaries, is calling in all his contacts. He’s reportedly casting an equally star studded romantic comedy with an equally nauseas premise. Valentine’s Day will be one of those complicated films with a dozen couples in it who are dating incestuous and all unlucky in love. Who’s in talks to play the forlorn few? According to the Hollywood Reporter, none other than Anne Hathaway, Jessica Biel, Julia Roberts, Jennifer Garner, Jessica Alba, Shirley MacLaine (!), Bradley Cooper, and Ashton Kutcher. The presence of screen gems like Hathaway and Garner, can-do-no-wrong Roberts, and uber-legend MacLaine gives me hope. The fact that oh-my-god-they’re-so-hot-but-every-film-they-do-is-total-crap Biel and Alba are in this takes that hope away. Cooper and Kutcher…eh, who cares I’ll just be watching the girls anyway.
The roles these stars are stepping into are slightly interesting casting. Roberts will play an officer on leave from Iraq. Cooper will play a gay man (hilariously, I’m sure). Kutcher and Alba will be fiancées, but, never saw this coming!, he’s in love with his best friend, played by Garner (I mean, wouldn’t you be?). MacLaine is Roberts’ mom, Hathaway is a personal assistant, and Biel is a publicist. Hilarity ensues.
I’m crossing my fingers. I actually really like romantic comedies. When they’re actually funny. And clever. Not to mention that Anne Hathaway and I are getting married in three years. It’s a surprise. Shh, don’t tell.