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Michael Jackson's self hate and growing up in fear
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Michael Jackson and his father Joseph Jackson 1994
Michael Jackson's 1993 interview with Oprah goes into some pretty interesting detail about how he grew up as a child in fear of his father and how in so many ways he had some self hate issues (so it seemed) in which apparently his father made worse by teasing him and calling him ugly.
Michael Jackson speaking on his father Joe Jackson:
Michael: I had pimples so badly it used to make me so shy. I used not to look at myself. I'd hide my face in the dark, I wouldn't want to look in the mirror and my father teased me and I just hated it and I cried everyday.
Oprah: Your father teased you about your pimples?
Michael: Yes and tell me I'm ugly.
Oprah: Your father would say that?
Michael: Yes he would. Sorry Joseph.
Oprah: What's your relationship like with him?
Michael: I love my father but I don't know him.
Oprah: Are you angry with him for doing that? I think that's pretty cruel actually.
Michael: Am I angry with him?
Oprah: Because adolescence is hard enough without a parent telling you that you're ugly.
Michael: Am I angry with him? Sometimes I do get angry. I don't know him the way I'd like to know him. My mother's wonderful. To me she's perfection. I just wish I could understand my father.
Oprah: And so let's talk about those teen years. Is that when you started to go inside yourself? Because obviously you haven't spoken to the world for 14 years. So you went inside, you became a recluse. Was it to protect yourself?
Michael: I felt there wasn't anything important for me to say, and those were sad, sad years for me.
Oprah: Why so sad? Because on stage you were performing, you were getting your Grammys. Why so sad?
Michael: Oh, there's a lot of sadness about my past and adolescence, about my father and all of those things.
Oprah: So he would tease you, make fun of you.
Michael: Yes.
Oprah: Would he...did he ever beat you?
Michael: Yes.
Oprah: And why would he beat you?
Michael: He saw me, he wanted me, I guess...I don't know if I was his golden child or whatever, but he was very strict, very hard, very stern. Just a look would scare you.
Oprah: And were you scared of him?
Michael: Very. Like, there's been times when he'd come to see me, I'd get sick, I'd start to regurgitate.
Oprah: As a child or as an adult?
Michael: Both. He's never heard me say this. I'm sorry, please don't be mad at me.
Oprah: Well I mean, I suppose everybody has to take responsibility for what they've done in life. And your father is one of those people who also have to take responsibility.
Michael: But I do love him.
Oprah: Yes. I understand this.
Michael: And I am forgiving.
Oprah: But can you really forgive?
Michael: I do forgive. There's so much garbage and so much trash that's written about me it is so untrue, they're complete lies, and those are some of the things I wanted to talk about. The press has made up so much...God...awful, horrifying stories...it has made me realize the more often you hear a lie, I mean, you begin to believe it.
Listen to the interview here.
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