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Prison dining; TV game show converts atheists; Michael Jackson: still dead, yet buttery
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Dining inside a notorious British Prison (The Clink)
Happy weekend. It’s the end of the world and most of us know it… That’s where this page comes in. Each Friday, this space features a few examples of a civilization neatly tucked in a hand basket and rocketing straight for hell. Let’s call it a primer for those unaware and at the same time, reinforcement for those of us already packed for the trip…
Is There a Food Taster on Staff?
Welcome to The Clink, Britain’s newest upscale restaurant where diners need a security clearance to make reservations and are not allowed to eat with metal cutlery.
Restrictions are tough because The Clink is Great Britain’s first restaurant to not only be housed in a prison, but also the first to employ the on-site convicts as chefs, servers and maitre d’.
Those seeking culinary delights such as griddled minute steak with sauce bearnaise and breast of chicken with pepperonata must be buzzed through solid steel doors, surrender all cell phones and sharp objects, and walk past 30-foot razor wire-topped walls to reach their table.
While the head chef and the maitre d’ may be serving time for drug smuggling, it is the hope of Alberto Crisci – the originator of the project – the prisoners will use this opportunity to not only rehabilitate, but to also secure similar jobs upon release.
“It was an ambitious idea,” Crisci told The Mirror, “I wanted a West End restaurant in the prison.”
Crisci, a former chef at one of Mayfair’s more notable eateries, raised the money need to bring his project to fruition.
Diners can expect fine china, top quality glassware and wine (on special occasions), but the alcohol is strictly monitored.
“Even baking bread can be a problem,” Crisci told The Mirror. “It’s the yeast. If you have yeast, you can produce alcohol.”
Crisci said that prisoners working in the restaurant are not a problem; a problem would be finding things from the restaurant inside the prison.
Everything on the menu is made to order with many ingredients coming from the prison’s gardens, and Crisci takes great pride in his imprisoned staff.
“Prisoners only have to step out of line once,” he said, “and they are out. This is a real restaurant. I expect them to do exactly what I tell them to do.”
According to The Mirror, the Bakewell Tart and Vanilla Custard came highly recommended by a female prison worker wearing a stab-proof vest.
Hell or No Hell
Turkish television station Kanal is rounding up leaders from various religious faiths and turning them loose on a room full of atheists.
“Penitents Compete” is the name of the game show, and the winners will receive a pilgrimage to a holy site of their chosen religion – that is, if either a Christian priest, Muslim imam, Jewish rabbi or Buddhist monk can convince the non-believers to join Team Faith.
Not surprisingly, some religious authorities are not amused. The Turkish Religious Affairs Directorate is refusing to provide an imam.
“Doing something like this for the sake of ratings is disrespectful to all religions,” High Board of Religious Affairs Chairman Hamza Aktan told state news agency Anatolian. “Religion should not be a subject for entertainment programs.”
The producers of the show offer a different take, claiming they disapprove of atheism and are offering contestants a shot at the “biggest prize in the world… the gift of belief in God.”
Representatives of the Kanal network said more than 200 people have applied for the ten positions and the contestants will be picked next month. “Penitents Compete” is scheduled to air in September.
Depending on the religion of choice, the converted can choose a trip to Mecca, Jerusalem, Tibet or the Vatican.
Kanal says they will use a team of theologians to ensure the atheists are truly non-believers and are not just seeking a free vacation.
The King of Cholesterol
Pointing to a dual performance by the Jackson Five way back in 1971, officials at the Iowa State Fair have decided to honor the self-proclaimed “King of Pop” at this year’s celebration – by immortalizing the entertainer in butter.
Michael’s likeness will be sculpted in lard and displayed alongside one of the event’s most popular attractions: the Annual Butter Cow.
Both the cow and the crooner will be kept in a 40-degree cooler, assuring that for the first time since 1982 Jackson’s nose will not be in danger of melting.
If you can’t make it to the Staples Center, Neverland, the Hollywood Walk-of-Fame, the Apollo, Gary, Indiana, Joe Jackson’s house, the chair in front of your TV or any one of the other thousands of locations looking to cash in on Michael’s death, the Iowa State Fair runs from August 18 to 23.
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