Finally, the answer to obesity… just make bigger furniture

June 27, 10:44 AMStrange News ExaminerJ. Doug Gill

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Big John, 19" wide, supports 1200 lbs (Brylane Home)

I’m sure you’re familiar with the old taunt: ‘you know you’re fat when you can’t see the numbers on the scale.’

But thanks to the developers of the Electronic Remote Weight Monitor Scale, now even Shamu can saunter aboard the bathroom tonnage detector and get a reading thanks to a hand-held remote that displays the number at eye level.

Given the explosion of plus-size clothes, plus-size airline seats, plus-size seat belts and plus-size feedbags, furnishings company Brylane Home is now offering an entire line for plus-size living.

In addition to the scale that eliminates the need for even the most basic of exercise – bending at the waist – Brylane offers desk chairs that hold up to 500 pounds of pork products dressed in human form. The company also stocks an oversized fanny pack that can fit up to a 72-inch waist.

It doubles as a luggage rack for the Smart Car.

Brylane’s “King Kong Chair” holds up to 800 pounds, and features an extra-wide 38-inch seat. The Kong also comes with a side cooler that will help you eventually grow into the Super Kong model.

If you and your plus-size partner like to go to the seashore as a couple, thereby causing a walking eclipse of the sun, Brylane sells the Five-Piece Beach Set that includes two “jumbo” chairs (holding up to 500 pounds each), a beach umbrella (with the wingspan of a United commuter plane) and of course, the omnipresent side cooler.

The backhoe needed to dig a thousand pounds of arse out of the sand is sold separately.

Rounding out the inventory of overweight accoutrements are an extra length shoe horn (nearly two feet long), oversize dining chairs (with a surprisingly low 300 pound limit) and gi-normous bath towels that, when not being used for showers, can comfortably house up to three boy scouts seeking their tent badges.

The centerpiece of the Brylane line, however, is the “Big John,” a roomier toilet seat (with stainless steel hinges) that measures 19 inches from side to side. The Big John offers 75% more area than a regular toilet seat and boasts a 1200-pound capacity.

No specs on the capacity of the bowl itself, and given the apparent overuse of side coolers, I’m not about to hazard a guess.

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