J. Doug has spent more than a quarter century living by the adage: if you want to make a million dollars as a freelance writer, start with two million. He resides in Maryland, where the state General Assembly has constitutionally banned common sense.

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I'm Gettin' Married in the 'Mourning'

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September 2, 9:44 AM

by J. Doug Gill, Strange News Examiner

-by J. Doug Gill

Ah, the tradition of the wedding ceremony. Flowing white dresses, fragrant bouquets of flora, relatives rumbling in the parking lot of the rented VFW hall and the corpse in the corner all point to the arrival of the special day.

Corpse?

Jason and Rachael Storm, of St. Joseph Township, Michigan, tied the knot in a ceremony held in the funeral home where Mr. Storm serves as the director.

“I look at it as, if you go to a church and get married,” Storm told his hometown newspaper, “how many caskets do you think have been rolled down that aisle?”

Good point, but how does he counter the argument that most churches don’t offer the bride a reposing room in which to do her make-up?

Now we’ve all seen the video of the scuba-diving lovers who exchange vows underwater. In Great Britain recently, a couple (along with a 67 year-old vicar), climbed aboard bi-planes and was married high above the English countryside.

And in Las Vegas, nuptial-minded pairs can be married by Elvis, married in costume or married in the nude. If you’ve ever encountered the couple in the casino’s buffet line that resemble Jared in his pre-Subway days, however, you’d no doubt pass on witnessing their nuptials.

Still, compared to a place where the catafalque that holds your chicken or prime rib just hours ago held the late Mrs. Battlebaum, I’ll stand-up for the naked baccarat-addicts from Des Moines, thank you very much.

The reception, featuring dinner and dancing, was also held in the funeral home. Just what white people need: more proof they dance like the first stages of algor mortis has begun. Read more here... and here.

Topics: strange news , father of the year , weird weddings

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You know, aptronyms… like when a gynecologist is named Seymour Bush

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December 1, 2:48 PM

Are you familiar with the term aptronym? It’s not recognized by my spell check, nor does it pop up in daily conversation. But if you’ve ever had landscaping work done by someone named Plant or noted a local librarian named Booker, you’ve... Read More
Topics: strange news , expand your vocabulary , aptronyms

Thanksgiving’s over… time to weapon up for the war on Christmas

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November 28, 3:32 PM

Now that Americans are full of both turkey and thankfulness, it’s time to get back to the annual solstice business of hating on each other for celebrating (or not) Christmas.Last week, Florida Gulf Coast University fired one of 2008’s first... Read More
Topics: strange news , war on christmas , wal-mart , liberty counsel

Turkey for me turkey for you love to eat da turkey in a big brown shoe

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November 25, 2:16 PM

Say what you will about Christmas, the Fourth of July or Administrative Professionals Day, but yours truly has always counted Thanksgiving as my favorite holiday.Why, you ask? Because aside from the blatant commercialism of the Macy’s parade and... Read More
Topics: strange news , nanny state , thanksgiving

ISI study offers confirmation – Americans are indeed getting dumber by the day

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November 24, 10:08 AM

As if the number of viewers tuning into reality shows, Deal or No Deal and The View (and buying into the latest Babs versus Rosie publicity stunt) didn’t offer enough evidence that Americans grow dumber by the day, the Intercollegiate Studies Institute... Read More
Topics: strange news , dumbing down of america

Sure, save GM, Ford and Chrysler but what about the Yugo?

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November 21, 3:05 PM

Ah, the Yugo – the once gleaming star of communist Yugoslavia’s automobile industry – has ceased production.The boxy-shaped automobile – and I use that term loosely - first came to America in 1986 and gained immediate infamy for... Read More
Topics: strange news , auto rescue , the yugo

Martha Stewart line of Kmart's mutilating lawn furniture; not a good thing

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November 18, 4:56 PM

As if the downturn in consumer spending and their reputation for selling crappier stuff than Wal-Mart weren’t already discouraging shoppers, the last thing the Blue Light Special folks at Kmart need is for their line of Martha Stewart Everyday... Read More
Topics: strange news , kmart , martha stewart , lawsuits

Give the gift of strange – the top 5 book buys for the bizarre among us

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November 17, 1:31 PM

Perhaps you’ve noticed the holidays are (almost) right around the corner. The folks at Examiner.com are aware, and that’s why we’re devoting a special Holiday Guide full of information on events, tips on entertaining and the year’s... Read More
Topics: strange books , gift books

Well, there’s spam bacon sausage and spam

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November 15, 11:29 AM

The list is seemingly endless, but yet still growing with each day’s news: Lehman Brothers, Circuit City, Linens-n-Things, Sharper Image and many others are all securely atop the dead and dying business heap with the America car makers apparently... Read More
Topics: strange news , strange food stories , spam , wonderful spam

U.K. faces sperm donor shortage; beg the citizenry to lend a hand

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November 13, 11:56 AM

Great Britain’s fertility experts are calling for changes in sperm donor regulations in order to increase the supply for women seeking artificial insemination.In 2005 Britain changed their law protecting anonymous sperm donors. That reversal allowed... Read More
Topics: strange news , fertility , artificial insemination , amy winehouse

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