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Have you heard? Apparently, America is smack in the middle of an obesity crisis. We’re facing financial ruin, fighting two wars, about to elect one of two clueless presidential candidates, and instead of the stress whittling us down to Keira Knightley boniness we’re growing arses the size of Sheboygan.
So, as the populace at large asks itself, “Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket?”, Cornell University is digging deep to unearth the glomming habits of the hulkingly hungry.
In a recent study – much like the ‘duh’ research that determined people who eat right and exercise are healthier than those who don’t – Cornell investigators not only discovered that obese people sit closer to the food, but also eat differently than people of normal weight.
Well that explains Bring Your Own Steam-shovel night at the Golden Corral.
Researchers point out that the study – which included 213 diners in 11 all-you-can-eat restaurants – also showed that the chubby among us generally face the buffets when seated and chew less than normal weight folks.
Cornell’s next study? Smokers are more apt to shop at stores that sell cigarettes.
Read the bloody obvious here
All ready for Halloween? Have you decorated the haunted house and carved the scary face into your pumpkin?
Wisconsin resident J. R. Hildebrandt has finished butchering his giant ghord, but instead of sitting it on the front porch like everyone else, he’s added a chair and a heater and plans to paddle it down the Wisconsin River.
Hildebrandt turned his 706 pound pumpkin into a canoe and will row it for 150 miles to raise money for special needs children.
The charity – the Tri City Children’s Dream Foundation - is a group that gives special-needs children memorable trips.
“We've sent children to Disney Land and Disney World,” Hildebrandt told KEYE TV. “We've sent them to NASCAR races, we've even sent one little girl to Jamaica on a cruise, and I wanted to take it a step further.”
Hildebrandt is finalizing plans to sail his oversize horn of plenty to Plymouth Rock just in time for Thanksgiving .
Read the story, see the giant veggie
Been to Baskin-Robbins lately? Nestled in between the mint chocolate chip and the very berry strawberry are two new flavors: Straight Talk Crunch and Whirl of Change.
Of course, the mainstream media would title the frozen confections as ‘The Old Crazy Guy” and “The Messiah,” but cones under any other name would still be referring to our two presidential candidates. And no, the McCain cone doesn’t taste like Gold Bond and Polident.
The ice cream shop famous for its 31 flavors is now selling the McCain cone - a caramel ribbon, chocolate pieces, candy "red states" and crunchy mixed nuts swirled into white chocolate ice cream – and the Obama, peanut nougat ice cream whirled with chunks of chocolate-covered peanut brittle and a caramel ribbon.
How long until MSNBC claims that representing Obama with dark chocolate is racist?
I inquired about a third party option, but was told that the system has been fixed so that independent ice cream eaters never get a choice.
Well, at least both presidential flavors come in a waffle cone.
Lick a candidate here
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