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Standing up to deadbeat dads is standing up for your children
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My girls in front of the fireplace...that is not our home.
I read our National Single Parenting Examiner's article on the new Lifetime show about deadbeat dads with great interest.
My own daughters' father is a deadbeat. He can't seem to hold down a job or residence long enough to be caught by the system, and he's a drug addict.
I once wrote that slave labor is probably the only solution, but national public humiliation is also good.
I'm not surprised by the backlash of the show, citing concerns for the children. I'm more concerned, however, of what those children actually lose by not getting the financial support they are owed.
The purpose of the financial support isn't mere folly. It's not about making a parent take responsibility for their actions. It's not about divorced parents trying to work together.
It's the cold, hard fact that raising children costs cold, hard cash. Without the money, children suffer.
Without the money, many children (and their parent that actually raises them) go without health insurance and regular check-ups. Without the money, children lose out on opportunities for a better education if they can't afford to live in the right neighborhood or pay for private school or pay for tutoring. Without the money, some single parents have to work more than one job and spend less time with their children.
We had to move last year because the condo I was renting was put up for sale, and I couldn't afford to buy it. My youngest daughter in particular often wishes out loud for a house, a backyard, and they both want their own room. I'm luckier than most, as I can provide the bare necessities on my salary. However, here in Los Angeles, even in this economy, I know I have no hope of ever being able to afford to provide them a house, and that sense of stability that comes with it. I have no savings - not even 3 months' worth if I lose my job (a very real possibility these days). If I lose my job, I wouldn't be able to afford our cost of living for even one month. The girls know that I do not have a college fund for them.
I agreed to even less than the LA Court's standards for child support with the hope that it would make it more viable to actually receive. I knew I could never count on it, yet it would have and could have, at the very least, been put in a savings account for the girls. I could have sent my daughter to a summer education enrichment program. I could have bought my oldest daughter clothes when she needed them, rather than waiting for my tax refund to get her the pants she so desperately needed. I could have taken my oldest daughter to therapy sooner and more frequently than having to worry about what it was costing me since the therapist is no longer covered by my insurance.
But even beyond the actual, tangible real benefits that children gain when they receive the child support they are owed, there is also something to be said for children seeing their parent (and in this tv show, a man) standing up and fighting for them. My children know that what makes me angry about not getting the child support is what I cannot give them by not having it. They know that I think they are worth the best of anything and everything.
I don't hold out hope that I'll ever receive the child support that my children are due. I was just informed that my child support case against their deadbeat will most likely be closed since I cannot provide an address or employer for him. There are hundreds of child support horror stories out there, and our story pales in comparison to those, and to those of other single mothers I know. My children will have to work very hard to get scholarships, and even then most likely still have loans in order to go to college. I will most likely never be able to retire (and am thankful every day for my job, where I hope to stay until I drop dead).
Still, my children will know that I tried. My children will know that I fought for what was rightfully theirs. And I, for one, will be tuning into this new show, and hoping to see at least some children get what they deserve.
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