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When WoW becomes the affair
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Someone once said there can never be too much of a good thing. I say, that depends on what you're calling a good thing. In relationships, each person has their own obsession. For some: this obsession can be shoes, purses, movies, various sports, books, and the list continues on and on. One such obsession for some is that with video games. Lately, I have seen an increase in video games/computer games among various relationships. One computer game that seems to be taking the world by storm is the infamous, dreaded game for most women in relationships: World of Warcraft, or more commonly called WoW. According to most of the "cases" I have seen involving this game, WoW is incredibly addictive causing a loss of interest in most other areas and putting the player into a world where time no longer exists except when trying to level up and scheduling a "raid." To be honest with you, I don't even understand what a "raid" is exactly other than a group of people playing together simultaneously to reach the same goal and help each other along the way. To what purpose, I have no idea so don't look to me for the answers on the ins and outs of this game. I simply know what happens when a person, who is in a relationship, becomes too involved with WoW and begins to "date" the game more than his/her significant other. Now maybe date is too extreme of a word, but when one begins spending more time focusing his/her attentions on the video game and talking more into a microphone to Zelnar who is leveled at 64 (am I even close?) rather than spending any time with their girl/boyfriend: Houston, we have a problem.
Now, I am not blaming this completely on men. I'm sure there are women out there who love the game and play as much as possible. What I am saying is that the cases where I have seen the game become a problem within the relationships, the man is usually the one playing. What does this mean? Does this mean women are more in-tuned into their relationships then men are? No. Does this mean that women cannot become completely addicted to something if there involved in a serious relationship? Absolutely not. What it does mean is that the game seems to present one problem: the one playing has a hard time separating his or her self from the game in order to rejoin the real world long enough to at least watch a movie with the other in the relationship.
In the cases that I have seen, I have witnessed some varying outcomes. One relationship is still chugging along--in fact, his girlfriend actually started playing the game with him and found another way for them to spend quality time together. One relationship is still working through the bumpy parts--she's trying to be more understanding and not nag so much about it while he's trying to cut back significantly on how much he lives in the WoW. And the final relationships I'm going to discuss today ended completely--she called off their engagement.
In the first case, this couple adores playing board games, but when he got involved in WoW, the board games kind of took a back seat for the time being. Now this case is one where the guy actually wasn't that addicted to the game and really had no problem turning it off and putting the laptop away to play Monopoly or Scrabble with his girlfriend. While this is true, when he would play, he would seriously play, cut up, and really let loose (which is NOT a bad thing). So she began to see that WoW was another way for her to share something with him and spend some time together. Now, they sit on their couch together, laptops on board and play the game together. She was willing to look past her frustration with the game itself and view it as a possibility for the two of them to become even closer.
The second case is slightly different. In this relationship, he truly does have a problem knowing when to get off of the game and start doing something else. No kidding, I have seen with my own eyes this guy stay in front of the computer for HOURS playing this game and his wife turning to him and saying "what" every time he says something into the microphone because she mistakes it for him talking to her. At first, she became incredibly irritated with how it seemed like all he cared about doing was playing this game. It became his mistress, and like the lonely wife left out of the affair, she became angrier and grumpier with him. Finally, she made him sit down with her and she showed him all the hours he had actually spent playing the game as well as the last time on the calendar when he had spent time with her. Well, needless to say, that shook him up as well as her tears. He agreed to back off of the game, and she agreed to stop nagging and to be more understanding about it. So far, so good, but still the occasional bump in the road is hit and then repaved.
The third and final case in this WoW epidemic is actually quite sad. He became so addicted to the game, it was all he would do. He would literally sleep, eat, and play, usually eating while he played, and I sometimes wonder if he had been able to sleep while he played, would he have done this as well. His long-time fiancee had begged him for months to back off the game, even just a little bit. She later told me that she just wanted to know that he was still interested in her. He refused to back off. One night, she walked into his apartment, picked up everything that was hers, and walked back out. She was finished. Some said that she must not have even loved him if she could truly walk out on him like that. Others say that he must not have truly loved her if he could just place her on a shelf for his addiction. I knew both of them. I know there was love there. For the longest time after she left, he would call and tell her that he would quit WoW and just be there for her. You know what she said? It's too late. I needed you then, and you weren't there for me. I can't trust that you won't replace me again. So, they ended.
I have no problem with video games or computer games. In fact, I rather like playing them. I'm not a particular fan of WoW, but I'm sure if I tried hard enough to understand, I could see the appeal. The only time I have a problem with video games is when they become the "other" person in the affair that has been created through a virtual world. My problems with such games merely arise when the game stops being a game and becomes something that the person just HAS to do all the time. When the other in the relationship feels like he or she is just sitting on a shelf waiting for their girl/boyfriend to realize that they are there.
When a video game begins to replace someone in your life, accidentally or not, it's time to pull the plug. At least for an hour. Get outside. Get some fresh air. Go to lunch or to the movies with your significant other. Or if you just so happen to have a "raid" scheduled for that night, invite them to join the game and play along too. You might be surprised. They might just say yes; if they don't, they will at least appreciate your attempt at including them in something that has become such a prominent fixture in your life.
For more information, go to the Examiner.com
Questions? Comments? Email Laura at relationships.lauramoran@gmail.com
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