RSS
Home
Why wedding planning can sometimes be one-sided
Print
Email
RSS
Subscribe
.jpg)
When a relationship moves to the level of engagement and planning a wedding, who plans what and why? If as a couple, we're supposed to share everything and make joint decisions, why is it that when making the decisions regarding one of the most important days of our lives, the decision-making usually ends up being completely one-sided? Some couples save themselves some of the frustration by hiring a wedding planner and saying "here are the reigns, take them and run," while others plan the big day on their own. Personally, I have had experience in both areas. My husband and I were on a very tight budget when we married, so we planned our wedding ourselves with the occasional input from our mothers. I have also had experience in dealing with wedding planning as a third-party person because I work as a wedding planner on the side. Having planned several weddings, I have seen both the frustration between the couples and their families as well as the arguments between the couple themselves. Ninety percent of the time, I see the bride making the decisions even down to the tuxedo style the groom will wear on the big day. Is this okay?
Well, using my husband as an example, the only input I received from him about our wedding plans were as follows: what song we danced to, what colors were used in the wedding, food choices, and wedding party. M made the decision to dance with me for our first dance to Frank Sinatra's classic "I've Got You Under My Skin." When I wanted coral for the wedding color and stated that my husband's vest would have to match my coral sash, he put his foot down, refusing to wear pink to his own wedding. It would have been so beautiful if it had been coral but okay. The food was jointly decided upon and was delicious if I do say so myself. My only problem I had with any of my husband's decisions was the size of my wedding party. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change anything about it...now. But back then, I could have killed him when he said he wanted his five closest friends to be up there with him and his younger brother. I had wanted only 3-my two sisters and my best friend. He won.
While we had tiffs throughout planning our wedding, it didn't dawn on me then, but I recently discovered that M really only gave any input for a small portion of the wedding plans. That got me to thinking...why didn't he have more say. The answer was discovered when I noticed a significant process my husband has. Whenever I ask him something (what do you want to eat for dinner, what movie do you want to see), he always gives me the same answer, "whatever you like dear." But if I try to buy some feminine looking bedspread or paint color for the bedroom walls, his masculinity jumps into overdrive and screams "WAIT!" This discovery has helped me to understand why all the times that I meet with brides or am talking with someone about their wedding, I am mostly hearing one-sided details. Why is this?
Because in all honesty, as long as we're not putting them in something that's going to make them uncomfortable, they're fine with our choices. Why? Let's face it, ladies, when we were young children, we were the ones tying the sheets around our heads to be our veils, putting on our mother's prettiest white dress and heels, and plucking the roses out of the garden for our bouquet to play wedding. Our husbands/boyfriends/fiances...not so much. Batman costumes...yes. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles...probably. Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, and Darth Vader...but of course. Groom-to-be...laughable idea.
Though the wedding day is probably one of the biggest days of any relationship next to bringing a child into the world, whether we choose to believe it or not, our grooms have not been dreaming about this day since they were little boys. Should we be aggravated that the only time they offer their input is when they are either truly determined to have something in the wedding or to veto something else completely? No. What I find is that when a groom steps in and intervenes or offers up a suggestion for the wedding that it is just another clue that yes, he does actually care about this day too, and that his decisions/opinions should matter too. Now, the groom might not always be keen on all the decisions that the bride makes just like the bride may not like the decisions that the groom does offer to help make. The point I'm trying to make is that this day is one of the hugest steps a relationship can take...and if we're willing to base our relationships on joint decisions, honesty, and compromise everywhere else...why not the wedding?
Want more information? Go to the Examiner.com
Comments? Questions? Email Laura at relationships.lauramoran@gmail.com
Related Articles:
Add a Comment
Single, married or something in between? Find what you need for Valentine's Day.
