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Spousal Support: Battling the expatriate blues to live well abroad
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Trudging toward the goals of a happy expatriate
I had mixed feelings when one of my best friends told me her husband had been assigned a new job abroad. I was sad because I would miss her immediate company, but I was happy because I knew she was in for an unforgettable adventure.
I told Kelly my thoughts and she understood.
"I feel that way too," she said. "Allen will be working, the kids will be going to new schools, and I will be left without my support system and without any regular routine. I hope I can adjust."
As it turned out, the move to Germany started out with a struggle.
Although Kelly was kept busy nesting for her family while they got on with their assignments, she also met with a bunch of roadblocks. The language barrier was difficult because my friend did not speak German. She also had a hard time learning the lay of the land, not knowing where to buy the best produce let alone in which neighborhood she should set up house. She also found it difficult to make new friends, yearning to hang around with the ones she had left behind.
Luckily, an assignment took me to Berlin within two months of Kelly's move. What I found when I arrived was not what I expected.
By then my friend had become a totally revitalized woman. She had settled her family into a beautiful apartment that was so well appointed. I asked if she had hired a decorator (she had not). With her home base set, Kelly was keeping busy, taking German lessons and working at a community church. She had even joined a running club.
She was also very popular with a slew of new buddies, many of them other expatriates. At her children's schools, she also had met many German companions in which they were in her same situation.
This happily ever after didn't happen in an instant, but it didn't take long for my friend to find a way to embrace her new life in a new land. The rest of the family followed suit. Each deemed their two years in Germany a life-changing experience to never forget.
Following are a few ways to battle the expatriate culture shock:
1. Find someone in your same situation with which to identify. Get to know another American who has been through what you are going through and ask as many questions as it takes to help you adjust.
2. Learn as much of the native language as possible. Buy audio lessons and get a tutor. When I was learning Cantonese to live better in Hong Kong, I chose someone who would go out to lunch with me, to shop with me, to dine with me. I wanted to become as fluent as I could be in conversation Cantonese so I could be social with my new friends and colleagues.
3. Join a club. Choose an organization similar to one you would choose at home. I joined the Foreign Correspondents Club in Hong Kong so could meet other people who do what I do all over the world.
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