Happiness depends on telling brain what to consider

September 11, 7:00 PMPortland Health and Happiness ExaminerChris Trout

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In our culture, we seem to have created a groupthink that says, "That which is strong will take care of itself; that which is weak requires our attention." However, in his book, Stumbling On Happiness, Harvard psychology professor Daniel Gilbert walks us through simple but profound research that demonstrates two dynamics of human functioning that counter this thinking:

1. When the human brain is lacking the specific information it needs to complete a picture, it will, without pause or hesitation, fill in the gaps based on the information it already has. For example, if you smell bacon cooking, without any additional information, your brain may conjure up the picture of a wonderful breakfast, perhaps accompanied by the morning paper, good company and/or much needed leisure time. Or, more simply, when asked to remember a long list of words relating to sleep (bed, rest, drowsy, etc.), we may be adamant in our assertion that the word "sleep" was on the list, despite its absence.
2. Paradoxically, the human brain is terrible at considering the absence of something when coming to its conclusions. For example, when assessing our physical safety, we are good at considering a plane crash that we saw on the evening news, but terrible at considering the last billion people who traveled without incident. We saw the crash scene, we did not see the billion people traveling safely.

So it is with your own self-perception. When you hear, with great frequency, about what needs to be fixed, what is lacking and what is weak, you may know (cognitively) that there is more to you than that, but what your brain does is connect the dots (information) it has, then fills in the gaps using that information. If the information it has says that you are lacking, weak and/or much in need of repair, your brain will create a self-image based on that information, ignoring the absent information about what you are good at, how you are admired or envied, successful endeavors, etc.

To use another example, if you have talked, written and processed ad nauseam about the damage done to you by your parents, your brain completes the picture by concluding that you are "damaged goods". You may have had thousands of other experiences in your growing up, but your brain does such a poor job of considering this "absent" information, it concludes that what it has the most information about is what is true.

The bacon may be cooking without benefit of other mouth-watering treats, friends or leisure time; you may have a great many strengths and your parents may have had many redeeming qualities, but lacking this information in sufficient volume, specificity or frequency, your brain relies on what it knows.

This, in very simplistic - but accurate - terms, is one reason that it is so critically important that we not let strengths "take care of themselves." By nature of our world, we are receiving volumes of information about what is wrong. If we want our brains - or the brains of our kids - to consider these strengths in its self-assessment, we must provide it with this information with sufficient specificity and frequency to make it into the "data pool."

Psychologist A.L. Kitselman had it right when he said, "The words 'I am' are potent words; be careful what you hitch them to. The thing you're claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you."

Chris Trout is a transformative life coach with a unique "pay what you value" philosophy.
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