Using the language of choice puts you in charge

April 20, 9:23 PMPortland Health and Happiness ExaminerChris Trout

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People who thrive in tough times talk like they have choices. They do what they do on purpose and without apology. They decide and act based on those decisions.

How many times in a day do you make yourself a victim? You do it every time you use words like should, ought to, need to, have to, I guess, and I don't know. And guess who the "oppressor" is in these scenarios? Yep, it's you. It's as if it makes us feel better to hand our power over to... whoever.

"I really need to get some exercise" just sucks the energy right out of you, doesn't it? The power comes in the choice. Do you choose to get more exercise or not? If not, you get energy from dropping the facade and having some fun doing what you want to do. If you choose to get exercise, use that language: "I choose to go to the gym so I can feel and look the way I want." Now I want to go. Now I'm in charge. Now I know I can always choose to stop, if that's what I want. But I can also choose to go.

There are very few things you have to do. You may not like the consequences if you don't, but you don't have to do them. I choose to work because I like owning a house that is warm in the winter and like driving a car that can carry my daughter's friends. The difference between "I have to go to work" and "I choose to go to work so I can buy the things I like to own" is like night and day. The first saps energy, the second taps energy.

And, of course, no matter what the talking heads say is "reality," you get to choose what you notice, where you focus your attention. "I choose to see what is right and strong in every person and every situation today" puts you in the driver's seat. Can't quite get there? Try "I choose to be curious and to look beyond my first reaction."

We all like to be in control. Using the language of choice puts us in control all the time - and generates the energy and commitment that goes with it.

Try it out this week. Whenever you hear yourself using the language of the victim, invite yourself to metaphorically pee or get off the pot! Decide to do it (and name why) or not. Once decided, say "I choose..." You'll feel energized, more confident and more in control than ever. And you will find yourself making conscious instead of unconscious decisions about everything.

It's called living on purpose.