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Divorce and your child’s feelings: what about me?
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Photo Courtesy of Jim Lewis
Related Article:
- Divorce and the truth about teens
Our last article examined the teen developmental stage. The following article will highlight a professional counselor, Jim Lewis’s perspective on dealing with teens and divorce. While Jim’s own divorce involved his three teenage sons, Jim can attest to the notion that no matter what developmental stage your child is in, as a single parent you need to be concerned with “putting the needs of children first during a divorce”. Great advice offered us by Jim Lewis, Licensed Social Worker. Jim also holds a Master’s Degree from Wayne State University, and has been a Social Worker, Supervisor and Administrator for more than 35 years in the Detroit Metropolitan area. Jim is also A.C.S.W. Certified, has been a coach for 30 years and owns a local counseling business called J. Lewis Counseling.
Jim, himself, is recently remarried. As an insightful dad and counselor, Jim saw several hurdles in divorce for children. However, he conquered his own and made a commitment to his sons. The following is what he had to say about divorce and putting your child first. Jim also reaffirms the notion that divorce for the teenager can be extremely difficult as indicated in my last article Divorce and the truth about teens.
“Throughout my life I have seen numerous couples go through a divorce. This process can be complicated, confusing and painful for both the children and adults involved. It is especially painful for children since they cannot know all the details of a divorce as the adults do. Because of this, it is very important to help children understand the divorce process and how it will affect the family.
When I went through my own divorce almost ten years ago, I made a conscious decision to move my three sons (all in their teens at the time) to the top of my priority list. I attempted to help them better understand the divorce process and reassure them that we all had great inner strength and this would help us get through this difficult time in our lives. Needless to say the teen years can be turbulent and chaotic and then to have your parents divorce in your teens can bring more uncertainty to your life. Even more reason in my mind to place your children at the top of your priority list.
Though I found my own divorce to be painful I was determined to be strong and move on and face the challenges as a mature adult. I have always believed that the way I handle a crisis as a father will be a model for the way my children handle the crises in their lives. Divorce for me was a bump in the road of my life. It wasn’t life and death . . . it was just life. [Emphasis added]. In life, you want to teach your children picking up the pieces and moving on is what you do. Sometimes this involves reaching out to friends and relatives and sometimes you may need professional counseling, but in the end you persevere.
In my efforts to place my sons at the top of my priority list, I also made two major decisions. My first decision was no matter what ill feelings I had toward their mother, I would get along with her for the sake of my children. I have never regretted this decision. It has been powerful in helping our family to heal. My second decision was to wait at least two years before getting involved in a serious relationship. Again, I have never regretted this decision as it helped me keep my focus on my children and helped me put my life back together and move forward.”
I would like to take this opportunity to thank Jim for his insights on this topic and for sharing his own personal experience with us. Should you reside in the Detroit Metropolitan area and be interested in seeing Jim as a Counselor, he may be reached @ jimlewis6884@yahoo.com. Jim’s expertise is in adolescent counseling and the best news? Jim is willing to take clients based upon an “ability to pay”, or “sliding fee scale” basis.
“Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see.” – John W. Whitehead.
For related articles about parenting teens and parenting in general through divorce, see Corinne’s Home Page @ Examiner.com.
To view Corinne’s website and purchase an E Copy of her relationship recovery book, Moving Forward, or her support group program Project Teen Intervene & Its’ Drug Handbook, visit Corinne’s website: www.booksonrelationships.net.
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