Soap characters way ahead of the game when it comes to 'National Clean off your Desk Day'

January 12, 9:57 PMSoap Opera ExaminerMary Montanari

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      In all honestly, I had no clue that today was not only National Clean off your Desk Day but it is also 'Organize your Home Day' as well.  The cracker jack editorial staff at the Examiner pointed this out to me and when I read it on their January editorial calendar back in December, I really thought I could would be able to celebrate these two obscure national observances by organizing my home and  cleaning the clutter from my desk by todays date.  It just didn't happen and as a result, I am still sitting around here looking at a cluttered desk and a disorganized home while wondering why they told me this in the first place.

  I understand and appreciate them taking the time to suggest possible writing topics but this one caused me to focus my attention on the clutter and disorganization that typically follow the holiday season as opposed to concentrating on the writing.  Whoever created the theme for this day should have booked the date for April or something.  Who can focus on cleaning and organizing in the middle of a blizzard when the Christmas decorations haven't even made it to the attic yet?  Cleaning the desk and organizing the home simultaneously in 24 hours is ludicrous to say the least.

    I let myself off the hook when I realized if Oprah wasn't covering these two things I was supposed to occupy my time with on January 12th,  then why should I even try?  Oprah's broadcast airs right after "General Hospital" in my time zone and since she is a huge part of the daytime landscape I respect her wisdom.  She made no mention of this special day, so it can't be all that important, right?

     Whoever dreamed up these two days that would coincide at the same time wasn't thinking.    I would need a month to accomplish each of these tasks.  Seriously, getting the clutter off my desk might work in a week, but "Organizing Your Home Day" deserves at least a month.

   Of course, if you happen to be a soap opera character.....you could accomplish both of these tasks in a day for sure or less for sure.  Here's how.

NATIONAL "CLEAN OFF YOUR DESK DAY" --RECOMMENDATIONS FOR SOAP OPERA CHARACTERS

• Remove the mistress from your desk when your assistant buzzes you to let you know the boss is on his or her way in.
• Remove the mistress from your desk when your assistant double buzzes you to let you know your wife is about to enter. 
• Remove the hunk from your desk when your assistant buzzes you to let you know the boss is on his or her way in.
• Remove the hunk from your desk when your assistant double buzzes you to let you know your husband is about to enter.
• Make sure you put that 'sensitive' file you are working on in a safe place prior to leaving the office.

NATIONAL "ORGANIZE YOUR HOME DAY" -- RECOMMENDATIONS FOR SOAP OPERA CHARACTERS 

      Simply do nothing to accomplish this.  Your home is already organized and perfect.  There's never any clothes on the floor, dishes in the sink, laundry piled up or trash strewn about to collect.  It's as though there's some sort of magical maid lurking about that takes care of every detail from the fresh flowers on the cocktail table to the always full decanters containing adult amber colored liquids neatly arranged on the bar.  It's all something I have never been able to figure out.

     So, there you have it.  If you're a soap character, you're way ahead in the clutter/organization department so just take a deep breath and go back to the bimbo on your desk.