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Things that NEVER Happen on a Soap--Volume 3
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- They NEVER watch a football game on a soap. Apparently, there are no male or female sports fans residing in the soaps zone. We just NEVER see a male character catching the Superbowl with the guys while an annoyed spouse listens to them yelling at the television set. Now that I think of it, they barely watch TV on a soap unless there is some sort of disastrous scandal taking place involving one of their friends or when one of those unforeseen natural disasters that threatens to wipe out the entire town occurs.
- They NEVER shy away from attempting to make themselves happy on a soap. These characters get married, divorced and remarried the way you and I brush our teeth with no apologies. Their pathetic track records when it comes to relationships never seems to bother them. They simply continue having children that turn out to be pathetic little replicas of themselves with egos to match and life in the soaps zone goes on as scheduled.
- They NEVER wrap a present on a soap. They would most likely never even know what scotch tape is—yet—when they show up at a big event they ALWAYS sport a perfectly wrapped package but they NEVER have to dispose of pieces of torn off wrapping paper once their recipient opens the gift because the top of the box is separately wrapped from the bottom of the box.
- They NEVER take calls from telemarketers on a soap. They can also be in debt up to their ears and yet NEVER be forced to deal with bill collectors although those leg breaker loan shark types routinely get through to cell phones, home phones and business lines without a hitch.
- They NEVER worry about being temporarily displaced on a soap---whether it’s from a job or a place of residence. Several soaps zone characters take up residency in luxury hotels without even blinking even if they are out of work as well. While there is plenty of old money and old mansions in the soaps zone, there are characters who are not privileged in this manner, but somehow they manage to pay what must cost at least $100.00 a night to shack up in these luxurious temporary residences.
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