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How to Cope with Life's Issues Like a Soap Character

 

 

 

Ø      Scenario #1 in the Real World - You are totally in love with this drop dead gorgeous guy but unfortunately, he is already seeing someone else and doesn’t even notice you are alive. In short, you cope. You simply go home and listen to tear jerker songs on the radio after plunging into a hot bath to unclog your pores, soften your skin and yes the toenails so you can clip them effortlessly and then—you cry. After that horribly pathetic bathroom ritual, you pick yourself up and eat buckets of ice cream or raw cookie dough chunks to ease your pain. You are naturally sad for awhile, but you get over it because you know in your heart that drop dead gorgeous hunks are kind of like trolleys or trains. There will surely be another one rolling into the love station one of these days

 

Ø      Scenario #1 on a Soap – You are totally in love with this drop dead gorgeous guy but unfortunately, he is already seeing someone else and doesn’t even notice you are alive. You fantasize about ripping the hair out of the ‘other woman’s’ head but you can’t be as obvious as that. You simply go home and devise a sinister plan. The hell with your skin, your clogged pours and your rock solid toenails. You’re a soap opera character after all and somehow those pesky grooming things are magically taken care of by the gods and goddesses residing in the post-dawn, pre-dusk drama section of the heavens. You send your nemesis an urgent text message so she will bail on the guy to deal with some sort of emergency and then you make sure you run into him to ply him with alcohol. It’s important that he wake up next to you the following morning suffering from a killer headache. Naturally, he won’t remember a thing and you can eventually turn up and announce you are pregnant even if you didn’t sleep with him. Then, you simply invest in one of those fake pregnancy pillows and by the time the guy realizes you lied, the love of his life will be long gone. Personally, I would go for the ice cream and raw cookie dough anytime, but they seem to adore this scenario in daytime for some unknown reason despite its ability to backfire almost every time.

 

Ø       Scenario #2 – In the Real World-  You work in the medical profession at a hospital in a major metropolitan area and it can go without saying that you paid your dues to get where you are. You sacrifice quality family time for the sake of your patients and are dedicated to solving medical mysteries and educating those under your care to resolve their sometimes life threatening problems. Your have seen it all and your bedside manner is professional and unblemished. In short, you love your profession and it shows.

 

Ø       Scenario #2 – On a Soap - You work in the medical profession at a hospital in a major metropolitan area and it can go without saying that you paid your dues to get where you are because you either slept your way to the top or your rich uncle is a huge philanthropist and has been making enormous donations to this facility for years. You are never forced to sacrifice quality family time because your family routinely comes by the hospital to chat with you while you are holding a clipboard acting as though you are making some sort of critical notations into someone’s medical file. Your lovers will often stop by as well for some ‘afternoon delight’ and nobody ever seems to notice where you are when you are entertaining your boy toy or gal pal in the sub basement of the hospital. Naturally, all your friends and relatives know if you are employed as a nurse, you have never touched a bedpan in your life, so why not visit? Much of the time, your family members or lovers are the only patients you take care of and face it---your bedside manner is slightly shady but of course you love your profession because there are basically no responsibilities at all. They work harder in daytime coffee shops than they do in daytime hospitals. 

 

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