A suggestion for EA's NHL 11

November 9, 10:15 AMPittsburgh Video Game ExaminerEric Keihl

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Hockey: "The Gentleman's Game."

Winter, as any Northern hemispherean could tell you, is almost upon us, and to celebrate the annual plunge into frigid darkness I've been playing NHL 09, the next-to-latest addition to EA's long-running ice hockey series. More specifically, I've been tooling around with the "Be a Pro" mode, which has you exclusively controlling a single player (who you customize beforehand) on a quest for NHL stardom. While it's overall a lot of fun, the bad thing about following one player is that you have to spend a good chunk of the game just watching the action from the bench, with only a paltry "Press 'circle' to force line change" dialogue box to keep you entertained. Personally, I consider this a wasted opportunity, and I think it's absolutely crucial that, at the very least, the next NHL iteration implement a on-bench control scheme that keeps the player occupied until it's their turn to be on the ice again. Here's a sample of what the button mappings might look like:

Triangle - Speculate loudly on the hearing impairments, learning disabilities, and / or erectile dysfunctions plaguing the referee

Square - Spit out the heterogeneous mixture of loose teeth, blood, and tobacco juice swirling around the inside of your mouth.

X-  Look into the stands and make meaningful eye contact with your teammates' wives.

L1 - Drink a warm cup of chamomile tea, making sure to keep your pinky extended.

L2 - Build a voodoo doll of the opposing team's goalie out of used stick tape, chewing gum, and a hair from the neck of the world's oldest zamboni driver.

R1 - Silently ponder the morality of Albert Camus' The Stranger.

R2 - Formulate a working Unified Field Theory.