Nintendo President claims Wii is "stalled"

October 31, 4:50 AMPittsburgh Video Game ExaminerEric Keihl

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Nothing sexier than a man holding a black rectangle.

Bad news for Nintendo fans / shareholders: in a recent newspaper interview, company president Satoru Iwata suggested that, with sales down some 34.5% in the last business quarter and a dearth of quality titles, the Wii might be "stalled." He expressed hope that the system's outlook would improve in the coming year, and to put things into perspective the Wii is still the best-selling console of the current generation by a considerable margin, with about 55 million units sold (compared to 33 million and 26 million for the Xbox 360 and PS3, respectively.)

Still, such a large downward sales spike is a little worrisome for an industry giant like Nintendo, and it's probably going to take some creative thinking to revive interest in a console whose novelty may have worn off a little after almost 3 years on the market.  Now, I may know absolutely nothing about business, and only a little about marketing, advertising, and video game development, but I'd still like to offer few suggestions that might help Nintendo move a few extra Wiis in these difficult economic times:

1. Release a new Zelda, Mario, or Metroid game.

2. See 1.

3. Stop making so many games with "Wii" in the title.

4. See 1 again.

5. Include a coupon for a free Toyota Prius with every console.

6. Put a sticker reading "Rated 'R' for Strong Sexual Content and Graphic Nudity" on the packaging.

7. Start making Wiimotes out of delicious rock candy, rather than an unpalatable mix of plastic and circuitry.

8. Change the name of the console to "The MileyCyrus," so as to pull in more of Nintendo's current core audience.

9. Use some sort of artificial wormhole to travel to an alternate dimension where the Wiis are, via an unfathomable paradox, owned by everyone in the universe yet always in demand.

10. Seriously, though. See 1.