Reader Mailbag!

October 24, 6:12 AMPittsburgh Video Game ExaminerEric Keihl

Previous Next

Comment Print Email RSS Subscribe

Subscribe

Get alerts when there is a new article from the Pittsburgh Video Game Examiner. Read Examiner.com's terms of use.

Email Address   Include other special offers from Examiner.com Terms of Use

... When it comes I wanna wail "MAAAAAIIIIILLLL!!!"

Ah, it's that special time of year... the leaves are falling, the weather is cooling, and the reader mailbag articles are singing sweetly in the air. Now, being a humongous internet superstar, I get millions upon millions of e-mails, letters, faxes, postcards, and telepathic communications per day on a wide variety of subjects, and from that nearly-incalculable number I've selected a whopping five to respond to today.

Hey Mister,

Why don'tcha like the Halo games? I think they're pretty neato.

- Li'l Billy

The One on the Right With the White Picket Fence

Small Town, USA

Dear Li'l,

I guess my problem isn't so much with Halo as with the culture that surrounds it. The games themselves are okay (if consistently unexceptional,) but I'm not very fond its rabid fanboys, its incredibly pretentious advertising campaigns, or the way high-profile reviews always seem to gloss over massive flaws in the games' design, presumably for fear of a massive backlash from readers. And furthermore, $60 for a tiny expansion campaign and a map pack? That's pushing it a little, don't you think?

Hugs and Kisses,

- Eric Keihl

Sir,

I recently purchased a Nintendo Wii, and I've yet to find a single use for it aside from holding up a glass of blanc de noirs. Would you kindly suggest a few titles that I might enjoy?

- Joachim von Ribbentrop

Nazi Germany

1939

P.S: F*** Poland.

Herr von Ribbentrop,

Much as I like to pick on the Wii, it has its share of worthwhile games, and a few of them are even for people over the age of 9! Old first-party standbys like Zelda: Twilight Princess and Super Smash Brothers. Brawl are certainly worth the price of admission, and I'd also recommend Okami (the calligraphy-based spellcasting system is a great fit for the Wii Motion controls,) No More Heroes (violent and weird) and Mad World (just plain violent.) You also might want to get a copy of Wii Fit for Herr Goering. He's looking a bit doughy lately.

Auf Wiedersehen,

- Eric Keihl

Old chum,

What do you think the chances are that Mother 3 (sequel to the classic SNES RPG Earthbound) will ever see an American release? I feel like I've been waiting an eternity, here!

- Satan

The Circle of Traitors

Hell

My Dear Friend,

Maybe when hell freezes over! Hahaha! Seriously, though, I'm afraid the chances of an official release are almost zero, so you might check out this high-quality fan translation, which I would consider the next best thing. Incidentally, if you could see fit to drag a few Nintendo executives into your dark and joyless realm for unfairly denying me a chance to play that game before 2008, I'd consider it just recompense for all those goats I sacrificed.

Your Pal,

- Eric Keihl

Maggotface,

Why are you so obsessed with stupid old games from the 1990's, huh? What, are new games not good enough for you? Do you think you're too cool for them? Or do you just wish you were a little kid again so your mommy could kiss your boo-boos and make them all better? Huh? Aw, are you gonna cry now? Go ahead and cry, crybaby! Bwahahaha, etc.

- Dr. Meansucker

Left Frontal Lobe

Inside Your Head

Doctor,

While it's true that I'm rather fond of reliving my video game roots, I also believe that the average quality of video game releases has gone steadily up since the early days, and that some of the finest games I've ever played have been released in the last few years (Call of Duty 4, Team Fortress 2, and God of War II jump to mind.) Just because I have a respect for gaming's past doesn't mean that I can't appreciate the brightness of its future. Also, please stop torturing me with scenes of kittens being decapitated.

All the best,

- Eric Keihl

<BEGIN MESSAGE>

HUMAN ERICKEIHL,

DESPITE OUR BEST EFFORTS WE ARE UNABLE TO COMPREHEND THE PLOT OF THE INTERACTIVE ELECTRONIC AMUSEMENT YOU CALL METAL GEAR SOLID. ARE THERE ANY INSIGHTS INTO ITS LABYRINTHINE SECRETS THAT YOU COULD OFFER US, SO THAT WE MAY EVOLVE OUR UNDERSTANDING AND CONTINUE ALONG OUR PATH TO TRANSCENDENCE OF CORPOREAL FORM?

- THE HIVE MIND

PLANET X'LL'ZQZJ IV

ANDROMEDA GALAXY

<END MESSAGE>

Señor Hive Mind,

Nope!

Warmest regards,

- Human EricKeihl

Well, that's all for this week's edition. I humbly apologize to those whose questions weren't answered today, but I encourage you all to keep trying, so that one day you may win yourself the high honor of being mentioned by some guy on the internet. It's important to have dreams, after all.