Newbie in the hall: the helpful but unhelpful teacher

November 7, 8:59 PMHavasu Mental Health Education ExaminerJason Streichman

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Helpful teacher/AP photos

I used to listen to people with serious mental issues and pretend I knew how to help them. Or, better put, I was told to pretend I knew how to help them. Now I have entered the realm of quasi-teaching again and had my first encounter with the necessitations of the helpful, but extremely unhelpful resident teacher. I am not entirely unsure that the occupations of mental health and education are not one in the same. Crazy people are everywhere.

A room full of crazy and hyper sixth graders sounds pretty good to me, well-meaning (or not) scary teacher next door with an anal personality the size of Pennsylvania thrown in for good measure.

What all this means for you brave reader is that occasionally as a substitute teacher I come across a class that acts like a substitute teacher is there, or a clown jumping through rings of fire. Rules quickly go out the window. All manner of humanness and training ground into young minds day-in and day-out are done for. The primitive brain takes over, and it's the first day in the candy store with no one to tell you what to do. What surprises me is that some people are surprised that this happens.

It's the same thing that happens when the boss is gone at work. Does anyone there do any work, or expect to get anything accomplished? No, not really. Why should kids be any different?

I get told all the time that kids will take advantage. Having been in most every conceivable substitute teaching situation from pre-school to high school, I sort of know this. It's like telling a race car drive they will need to drive fast in order to win.

The helpful teacher will usually come into class at the worst possible time, when the class has gone full apesnot, and take over for all intense purposes by making threats to the students. It's horrible for the kids. It's horrible for the sub too. Sometimes, the helpful teachers means well. Sometimes, it's more about throwing weight around. It's a control thing. It is fairly obsessional behavior.

Here is some psychology: When a fellow teacher walks into my inherited class and usurps my authority in there, I am done for. I might as well grab a desk and start giggling and acting silly. Kids are smart. They may be lazy, but they are smart. They see everything. They understand when a breach of authority has taken place and my place in the classroom has been downgraded from teacher to piece of furniture.

Substitute teaching is about putting out fires and picking battles, and teaching too. When the helpful teacher interrupted my class on Friday, I was teaching. It may have been a different style than this teacher was accustomed too, but teaching nonetheless.

I might have said something to this teacher, something like, "Get the hell out of here!" But that would have been unprofessional, especially in the middle of class. That would have been rude.

That would be like walking into someone else's class and trying to take over...

Entitlement is not just about the kids. When I was in the sixth grade, it was okay for teachers to beat us with paddles. And kids still got into trouble knowing that! Read more on entitlement here.

If you liked this article, check out this ninja story or more sex with students here. If scorpions are more your thing, read more here.

Check out Acting like an idiot below. This is what my day would be if I picked a fight with every kid who showed disrespect! It would be like climbing Mt. Everest bare-footed.