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Ten Turkeys of Automotive Design
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Some things—like cranberry sauce—must have seemed like a good idea at the time, or of course it wouldn’t have been done. Someone thought a chromed horse collar would look just great on the grille of an Edsel, the misshapen Pontiac Aztec would look like a Leatherman multipurpose knife on wheels and the rolling goldfish bowl called an AMC Pacer was what the car of the future would look. Not to mention the contortions the French can make a piece of sheetmetal do.
The list of automotive styling turkeys is long and inglorious. We’ve selected ten that immediately came to mind and certainly by the time this has been published we’ll have another ten just as forlorn. We’re sure you have your favorites too. Use the comments section below to tell us the turkeys you’re thankful not to be driving. In the meantime, in alphabetical order here are ten to sink your teeth into. Save a drumstick for us.
1980 Cadillac Seville: The bustleback Seville was an attempt to restore some elegance to the Cadillac lineup, borrowing it rear contours from custom-bodied Rolls-Royce models from the 1930s through 1950s. One automotive historian has called it “not universally admired.” We suspect that the 1980-1985 humpback Seville was popular with those for whom Liberace’s show was a highlight of their weekend in Las Vegas.
Datsun F10: Car and Driver said, “Perfect car for Rocket Boy to take on Rodan” Indeed, from the round America headlamps set deep in hexagonal bezels to its odd bubble-back glass hatchback, it was a car that looked it was designed by stylists that had worked on front and rear ends without consulting each other, it appears that they weren’t even sure they were working on a car. This from a company that had brought you the Datsun 510 and 240Z..jpg)
1984 Excalibur Phaeton: Not the only year that Excalibur deserves to be pilloried for over-the-top styling, but this is the photo we happened to have. The 1964 Excalibur designed by famed automotive stylist Brooks Stevens was a fun little roadster that borrowed—OK, stole—its contours from the prewar Mercedes-Benz SSK. However, by the Series III it had become a bloated parody of itself. It still attracted celebrity owners. Comedienne Phyllis Diller owned four. ’Nuf said..jpg)
1999-2003 Fiat Multipla: According to “365 Cars You Must Drive, “…a face only a mother could love—if mother is an amphibian.” This peculiar van, designed by noted car designer Chris Bangle—who also did some unusual things for BMW, including the notorious "Bangle-butt 7-Series—has three bucket seats abreast, making it one of the widest cars on Europe’s roads. No doubt its peculiar visage makes other drivers back down when meeting a Mulitpla on a narrow Italian backstreet.1980 .jpg)
Gazelle: Arrogance? How about pretentiousness? You’ll see a lot of kit cars like these at small-town car shows and fireman’s parades. Most were built on the original Volkswagen Beetle platforms, so even if you’re fooled by the shrunken-head version of a classic car executed in fiberglass, the familiar putt-putt of the rear-mounted VW motor. These things are as exotic as a PTA meeting.
Gazelle: Arrogance? How about pretentiousness? You’ll see a lot of kit cars like these at small-town car shows and fireman’s parades. Most were built on the original Volkswagen Beetle platforms, so even if you’re fooled by the shrunken-head version of a classic car executed in fiberglass, the familiar putt-putt of the rear-mounted VW motor. These things are as exotic as a PTA meeting..jpg)
1982 Mercury LN7: “The heck with aerodynamics. Let’s just put some rectangular headlights inside giant scoops that look like Pac-Man in profile.” “What’s Pac-Man?” “I dunno. But it will be fun when it’s invented!” Apparently the LN7 wasn’t that much fun. The LN7 was a coupe version of the Mercury Lynx sedan, itself the Mercury version of the Ford Escort, which in turn had its own coupe version dubbed the EXP. The LN7 lasted from the 1982 through the 1984 model year, as unloved then as it’s forgotten now..jpg)
1958 Packard Hawk: Part of the great 1950s conflation of second and third tier auto manufacturers, Packard acquired Studebaker but Packards became largely modestly reconfigured Studebakers. The Studebaker Hawk, quite handsome in a ’50s sort of way, was given an odd fish-like grille made even more piscatorial by the fins that looked good on the Studie. Packard sold 588 Hawks in 1958, not coincidentally the make's last year..jpg)
1965 Renault R16: Picking on French styling is as easy as shooting baguettes in a barrel. There are so many oddities it’s hard to miss. Certainly there was no missing by whomever’s job it was to whack the hood with a two-by-four. Because there’s no trunk on this Gallic hatchback, Renault designers felt compelled to put fins on the edge of the roof. The Renalt 16 was mercifully not imported into the United States. Merci.
1958 Renault Le Car: No wonder the couple in the picture have their back to the camera; they’re now in a witness protection program. When the Renault 5 immigrated to the U.S., Renault named it Le Car: a bit of whimsy for a whimsical car, or so they thought. The Sports Car Club of America had a race series for these unfortunate Frenchies that went leaning on each other like scrubbing bubbles being whooshed down the drain.
1959 Toyota Toyopet Crown: Toyota’s first attempt at selling cars in the United States was a pudgy transliteration of American design. But there are some things that just can’t be miniaturized and the bechromed American barges of the Fifties top that list. Like English phrases used on domestic Japanese products, something was definitely lost in translation. The Toyopet Crown was rolling Engrish. One thing Toyota execs could understand however was” "No Sale." Deservedly chastened, Toyota did its homework and invented the Corolla. The rest is history.Related Articles:
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