Why they don't show real mothers in commercials

June 28, 12:23 PMParenting Humor ExaminerAnnette van de Kamp

No, we want to see real mothers, hair uncombed, outfit mismatched, yelling at their kids:
“Damn it, Jennifer! For the last time, get your stinking feet off the couch!”
Now that’s motherhood at its finest.

Then, someone would come in, hand her the oxy-clean, and tell her to go ahead, spray it on. It’s not about cleanliness; it’s about control. You may not be able to control your kids, but you can control the stain! It doesn’t talk back, you can make it disappear; it’s the reason why frustrated parents clean so much.

Why are children so messy? As I’m writing this, there is dirty laundry everywhere (my daughter thinks it’s more attractive to spread it around the room than to put it in the designated basket, my son uses his laundry basket for toys), there are four plastic dinosaurs, one penguin, one monkey, one blanket, three trains, seven jungle animals, three pairs of shoes, and a fire truck lying around the living room.

In the kitchen you will find more toys as well as a few books here and there on the floor, while my daughter’s drawing set and various piles of paper, as well as scarves, a feather boa and several Barbies litter the dining room table. On the stairs there are more shoes, and there are three dolls, a ballet bag and two backpacks in my husband’s office. That’s not all. We won’t worry for now about how their rooms look, the fact that the bathtub is so full of toys that I can’t even find the plug without sweeping them aside, or that my daughter has the uncanny habit to spread anywhere between 10 and 15 books around the toilet, “so she won’t get bored while peeing”.

Most days, I pick it all up, but sometimes I wonder why I bother. If I left the toys lying around, my eyes might be distracted from all the real dirt. Ever see those tests they do on television, where they swab certain areas to see what kind of bacteria lurk in your dark corners? If they’d do it in my house, I’m sure they’d end up with some previously undiscovered specimens. I don’t really want to know.

There are no cleaning products strong enough to win this battle, I realize, and perhaps that is why they don’t show real mothers in the commercials. A real mother wouldn’t say, “One spray and my house is clean!” A real mother would say: “Don’t bother paying $5.99 for something that won’t even make a dent.”

Someday they will be teenagers; and I’ll bribe them to clean my house. Want to drive a car? One year of laundry, including ironing. Want new clothes? Empty the dishwasher for six months. Want to bring a date home without fear of embarrassment? Fine. Cook dinner, mop the floors, and wash the windows for the next three months, and you have a deal. Think I’m fantasizing? You’re probably right, but it’s the only thing that’s keeping me sane right now.

For more info on parents keeping things clean, check out ehow's teaching your kids,  or Parents Connect.  If you want a good laugh, read Clean up after yourself before I hurt you.