Spotlighting authors: Marci Fox and Leslie Sokol
Marci Fox and Leslie Sokol
“No one has ever attended a class [where the subject] is thinking about how we think. Instead, we walk around filling our heads with all these doubts.” Leslie Sokol and Marci Fox “really want to teach people that just because you think, feel, or are buying into negative thoughts doesn’t mean those thoughts are true. It’s important to examine your thoughts to see that there is nothing to back [that negativity] up.”
Sokol and Fox have written the book, Think Confident, Be Confident, so that we may have a road map of how to achieve confident, positive thinking. As they say, “Anger is the emotion we all believe is the strongest. But anger is on the surface, underneath is hurt or fear, and doubt in believing in yourself.”
In a time where many are angry over “the given state of the world and the economy with all of its stress; self confidence is being second guessed. The key is that this is such a universal reality. Whatever fear you are talking about, doubt will cost you reaching your goal.”
Sokol and Fox “are first and foremost cognitive therapists. How you feel backs up how you think. If you modify your thinking you modify what you do. The first principal is that how you think influences how you feel, behave and respond. [Many people] operate by the Band-Aid [method].
“Thinking that if you keep busy you won’t be bothered by something is a temporary fix. For enduring relief you need to work at the thinking level. The deeper doubt driven thinking, the thought that says ‘I did a bad job and that means I am a failure,’ ‘people won’t like me,’ that doubt involves doubt about our desirability, thinking or both.
“The whole principal of this therapy is to understand a person’s problem through their thinking. We aim to teach people to be better problem solvers and set realistic goals. So they may recognize there is always another option. We [wrote the book] because we really wanted to discuss each of the different areas.
“Problematic behavior is driven by doubt. The problem with doubt is that we highlight our risk and we don’t recognize how many recourses there are.” It’s easy to use doubt to blame all of our problems. But there are so many other options that we can access to lift ourselves from the dire straights of failure and find the accountability of moving forward.
“Doubt can be a crutch. You might think it’s safe to not put yourself out there. Doubt can cause you to feel afraid to try something new, or try on a new hobby because you believe you’re not good enough. The flip side is when something bad happens you blame yourself. It’s part of the desirability factor.”
One example of flipping doubt is “if you’re fired from your job and instead of looking at the poor economy, you say it must be me. I must have lacked the skills, or not been good enough. Think about your thinking.” Your thoughts manipulate your future. Positive thinking reinforces positive results.
Why do we put pressure on ourselves with our own demands? “We often hit the perfectionism button. Pressure is always compensating for doubt. You’re not good enough the way you are, you have to be perfect. If you doubt that you are attractive enough, you are going to put perfection in your shape and size. Perfectionism is a dangerous strategy – we can’t define perfection so how do we obtain it?”
So what is the key to confidence? “Put yourself on par with others. Par being the acronym for positive, accurate and realistic. It’s seeing yourself in a positive accurate way and believing you can do it and knowing that you can handle any stress. It’s living life to your fullest because you aren’t encumbered by doubt. There is a nasty monster that sits on your shoulder whispering/screaming you’re not good enough. Change your perception and be you in the moment.”
“Our internal rules usually develop because we have faced situations in our life that lead to our developing a strategy. It becomes your go-to strategy. Often we decide to be the avoider, control freak, etc... It’s important to recognize your strategy and doubt and then begin to change it. You can change your rules. We like to teach people to say So What?”
How did the book come together? “It was finding the initial ingredients and steps to creating first. We wanted to make this wonderful meal but if don’t have the recipe; you have to test as your go. Now we understand the key ingredients and we can modify the recipe.” So be on the look-out for a follow up book!
Sokol and Fox want to advise their readers, aspiring writers and anyone venturing down their path in life, “to believe in yourself. Just because you are stepping into a new arena doesn’t mean you don’t have the skills or knowledge to make it happen. You have to schedule it to make it happen and pick a time, but you can do it!”
To learn more about how Think Confident, Be Confident can lead you to thinking your way into a new life, visit Marci Fox and Leslie Sokol at: http://www.thinkconfidentbeconfident.com/
Images courtesy of Sokol and Fox's website and Amazon.com
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Spotlighting authors: Marci Fox and Leslie Sokol
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