Books to avoid when you're home sick with the swine flu

April 30, 5:35 PMBook ExaminerMichelle Kerns

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Swine flu got you down? Nothing treats a case of winesay uflay (come on, people -- don't you remember pig Latin?) better than rest, plenty of fluids, and a good book in bed. Be careful what tome you choose, however: in your delicate state, some literary matter might bring certain unpleasant swine-related thoughts to mind. Here's a list of books to steer clear from. And remember to cover your mouth when oinking.

Animal Farm - George Orwell

Too many nasty little piggies in this one for a swine flu sufferer. If you must have your Orwell, stick to the cheery 1984.

Charlotte's Web - E.B. White

Wilbur is cute -- except when he's giving you a sore throat and fever.

A Cook's Tour: Global Adventures in Extreme Cuisines - Anthony Bourdain

Why you would be moved to read a book about food when you're as sick as a pig is beyond me, but, if the fancy strikes you to read A Cook's Tour, resist the temptation: Mr. Bourdain's trip to Portugal includes a detailed description of a pig being slaughtered with breakfast, a la swine, served not 10 feet from the hanging porcine carcass. Interesting if you're not ill; nauseating if you are.

Doomsday Book - Connie Willis

The only reason this tale of mayhem during the Black Death epidemic of 1348 could be potentially cheering is that you can reflect on how fortunate you are to have only the swine flu as opposed to the bubonic plague.

The Amityville Horror: A True Story - Jay Anson

What's worse than getting the killer flu from a pig? Being locked in a closet by a red glowing-eyed demonic pig named Jodie.

The Lord of the Flies - William Golding

Between Piggy, pig-hunting, and visions of pig heads with dancing flies, you can't hardly get away from pigs in this book.

 

Babe: The Gallant Pig - Dick King-Smith

Save this tome for a time when you'll be sympathetic to poor Babe, as opposed to cursing him each time you suppress an oink.

The Plague - Albert Camus

The last thing a swine flu sufferer wants to hear right now (other than possibly, "sausage") is "quarantine."

Toujours Provence - Peter Mayle

Read too much about the truffle-hunting wonder pigs in this book and you'll never want to eat another mushroom again.

Seduced by Bacon - Joanna Pruess and Liesa Cole

Need I say more?

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