Halloween Hijinks Contest: spoof Stephenie Meyer or Stephen King and win five freaky books

October 19, 12:29 AMBook ExaminerMichelle Kerns

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The fine folk at Hachette Book Group have a nifty Halloween offer for Book Examiner readers: the chance to win a set of five books featuring plenty of sexy, ghostly, serial-killer-y, supernatural fun.

The tomes are Kathleen Kent's The Heretic's Daughter, Caridad Pineiro's Sins of the Flesh, Elizabeth Kostova's The Historian, Ted Dekker's BoneMan's Daughter, and Mary Ann Winkowski's When Ghosts Speak: Understanding the World of Earthbound Spirits. For a gander at the books and a description of each, peruse the Halloween Hijinks Contest slideshow down there at the bottom of the post.

What lucky ducky Book Examiner reader will win the chance to scare themselves silly with these five fine texts? The winner of the Halloween Hijinks Contest!

All the nitpicky Rules and Regulations for the Halloween Hijinks Contest

 1. Before I get your hopes up, only United States and Canadian residents are eligible to win. Sorry if that just broke your heart. You can console yourself with the thought that the person who wins will probably end up having to sleep with the lights on for weeks and that makes for a devil of an electricity bill.

2. Now, to the nitty gritty: to enter, you must send to michellekerns@surewest.net a minimum one paragraph spoof of The Three Bears as written by Stephenie Meyer OR Stephen King. It doesn't have to be the whole tale. One part is fine. But if you just can't stop yourself, an entire spoofalcious story is good, too.

3. To win, the paragraph MUST be clearly identifiable as poking fun at either Ms. Meyer's or Mr. King's writing style or one of their stories. As in thus:

Goldilocks gingerly tried Papa Bear's mushroom ravioli. She gasped. It was too hot. She tried Mama Bear's mushroom ravioli. She frowned. It was too cold. Then she tried Baby Bear's ravioli. "Ah, just my brand of heroin," she said.

Or thus:

"Someone's been writing redrum on my mirror," stormed Papa Bear. "Someone's been writing redrum on my mirror," gasped Mama Bear. "Someone's been writing redrum on my mirror, too," cried Baby Bear, "and why is Jack Nicholson asleep in my bed?"

Yeah, yeah, I know they suck. So show me up and show us what you're made of.

4. You can submit your spoofs until the first stroke of midnight on October 31st (if you do so after that time, you will turn into a pumpkin).  The best of the bunch will be paraded for all to jeer at and vote over, and the triumphant winner will become the proud owner of five books that will make them weak with fear.  What a deal!

Huzzah to all contestants! Now, get to it.