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Living with a host family...Quoi a faire et les faux-pas!
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My host mom, Nathalie, et moi, in the salon. Très jolie, n'est-ce pas?
For many students, studying abroad is the opportunity of a life time. After a program has been selected, the next steps include decisions about the length of the stay, transfer of course-credits, how much money to bring, and, inevitably:
the living situation.
For those students who are very serious about learning a foreign language, I cannot recommend anything more strongly than living with a host family. After just three weeks, I can already sense the improvement in my French language skills, and, moreover, I sense myself adjusting to the culture because I have been fortunate enough to be placed in an incredible French household.
But what have I discovered? What have I done to ease the transition from totally autonomous college student, who stays up until 1 or 2am, watches Sex and the City at any decibel, and has her own kitchen, to easy-going American girl who falls asleep before midnight and is consistently considerate of the other members of the family?
If you're planning on living with a host family, there certainly are some steps you can take to make everyone (including yourself!) feel more comfortable.
1. Communicate!
Even if you can't speak the language fluently the first day of your stay, you can always make the effort. Even when I'm fumbling around for words and I know that I must sound a bit childish, the fact that I am trying to talk with my French family members makes all the difference in the world. In addition to just trying to talk with them, I also mention everything and anything that I can to keep things out in the air. For example, being one girl in a household of 4 French boys, and sharing my bathroom with Vianney, the 15-year old, it is my responsibility to say, for instance, "Pardon-moi pour mes cheveux dans la salle de bain...j'essayais de les nettoyer, mais toujours, ils sont là..." (Excuse me, because I know I leave behind my long, brown hair in the bathroom...I tried to clean it, but some of it is always there, I know...). After I mentioned this, it wasn't a big deal at all, but I could tell my family was glad that I am aware of the fact that my mane does shed from time to time.
2. Help out with household chores, even if the family says you don't need to.
If you had someone you had never met before staying at your home, of course you wouldn't expect them to do the dishes or help set the table. But it is commonplace in French households for all the children to help out with dinner preparations and clean-up. The second week here in France, I was eating dinner with my two French brothers, as Madame and Monsieur Renaud were on a day-trip to Mont San Michel. After dinner, the boys trotted downstairs to play video games, so I took the initiative to clean up and put the food away. The next morning, Nathalie (my French host mom) couldn't stop thanking me--I won some brownie points in her book, which makes me feel all that much more comfortable, and the dishes were done!
3. Ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask...
This is seemingly the same step as communicating, but what I really want to stress is the importance of asking when you have any doubt. Whether you're unsure if you can go to the cabinet to grab a couple more cookies or if you can use this or that mug or if you can have another towel or if you can eat that piece of Camembert...asking permission before you do it demonstrates that you are being considerate of your status as a new person in their home. After these first three weeks, I can already feel myself more à l'aise, or "at ease," with my host family. But asking, especially in the beginning, has made that comfort possible. It's always going to be easier to ask for permission than forgiveness when it comes to a host family.
4. Be yourself...but not too much.
You certainly want to be yourself with your host family--any other way, and you're just going to feel uncomfortable. But it's also important to be aware of the fact that you are, indeed, in someone else's home. If you've been used to going back to the dorm or the apartment and grabbing a beer or a pop and watching some t.v. or talking on the phone or whatever, the adjustment to a family around you with different customs and habits might be sort of a challenge. To help surmount this obstacle, take a moment before you do something and imagine the role of the host family: is it really practical to come home from the bar four or five nights out of the week after they've all gone to bed? Is there a set time for dinner that you notice you should be on time for? Is there a way you can contribute to their household? Before or during your trip abroad, remember that the reason you chose to live with a family is because you want to learn their style of living: thus, it's you, the student, who should adapt to the family more than they should to you, certainly.
5. Have a sense of humor. Seriously.
Inevitably, there will be some sort of word that trips you up, or a cultural difference for which you simply cannot account during the beginning of your stay. If you stay openminded and, even more importantly, in a bon humeur about these little faux-pas, you will be golden. Laugh with your family, share the differences between your culture and theirs, talk about silly things like how Americans consider it rude to keep their hands on the table while the French find it mal-élevée to put one's hands under the table. If you convey that you never intend to offend, your family will appreciate your little errors, and even find you endearing for them. Laughter will be the best medicine for those moments when you feel like a bumbling American. Trust me.
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