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Post-Valentine's Day: How women should view "Singles Awareness Day"
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Way to go, ladies! You’re single and you survived the holidays and Valentine’s Day! It is just me or has February 14th become “Singles Awareness Day?”
Single women must endure insipid questions on a daily basis. “You’re so great, why are you alone?” “What happened to your ex? You were so nice together.” “Who did you celebrate the holidays with?” Sure, men get these questions too, but they aren’t quite as loaded and filled with judgment.
When women are in their 20s, they are safe to make choices without having stereotypes or stigmas placed on them. Whether you choose to enjoy the single life or get married, society finds either to be perfectly acceptable. But when 30 knocks on the door, look out!
It may be around 29 or 30 that women may undergo their first “mid-life crisis.” They may be struggling with the fact that they aren’t working in the career they’d hoped to be, or realizing that they actually hate the career they went to school for. If women weren’t college-educated, they may be dismayed to hit the glass ceiling and don’t have the same opportunities as women that did get a degree. The party you had throughout your 20s may have become a regret of yours or a great driving force, pushing you to strive for more. It can be a lot to come to terms and deal with.
From ages 29-36, society finds single women socially acceptable so long as they are on the hunt for “Mr. Right.” Women are under pressure to find their mate and start a family before time runs out. God forbid you say you’re looking for Mr. Right but don’t want children! People shun you as if you’re the anti-Christ and not a “real” woman!
By the time women hit 37-40; many men their age have started looking for younger women. Though they say they don’t want a gold-digger, men often find independent women too be intimidating or controlling, mistaking self-sufficiency for shrewdness. Those men that do date women this age want to spend time together before settling down and starting a family. While the men want to avoid the pressure of rushing into a family, society is urging the women to do just that!
For those women 40 and over that have never been married nor had children, life is full of others’ judgments. “You must be complicated,” you may hear. “You must be difficult.” “You’re looking for perfection.” Of course, there’s always the dreaded, “You must have commitment issues.” You may totally self-sufficient, with a great career and wonderful family relationships and friendships. You may have made an excellent decision by not marrying the wrong person or giving into the pressure of your “clock ticking.” You’ve escaped any baby mama drama. Yet instead of being complimented on your independence and success, women endure cruel and unfair judgment and ridicule.
It may sound disheartening but in reality, it’s anything but. Guess what? YOU are the ruler of your destiny. As you watch your friends marry off and start families, be proud of the inner strength and courage you possess. Rather than settling for the norm, you are taking your life into your own hands. You have your own opinion. You compromise when it makes sense too, not because others pressure you to. You are empathetic but unwilling to sell your soul to be the ultimate caretaker.
While the pool of men to select from may be smaller than in years past, it is no longer a numbers game for you. You don’t need to accept dates with men because you feel obligated, but instead because you truly want to spend time with someone in particular. You trust your gut and know when it’s telling you to pass. Knowing what you do and don’t want makes it SO much easier to fall in love with the word “no.”
Since you’re no longer dating just for the sake of dating, you don’t have to work as hard! You’ve learned (hopefully) how to keep a conversation going and how to weed through the B.S. Girls nights out are no longer about meeting eligible bachelors and now focused on genuinely enjoying your girlfriends. You don’t need to go out on Saturday night to prove you know how to have fun. You can have platonic friendships with men and fully appreciate them. You no longer have sex with someone because you’re flattered they chose you. Now you get to choose!
Of course there will still be disappointments and the road to true fulfillment is never easy. However, disappointment doesn’t need to end your devouring that half-gallon of ice cream. It can propel you to take better care of yourself. Every day, celebrate your year-round Valentine: YOU! Choose to put yourself first. Exercise, read, write, and live for you. Your true love is yourself!
Make it an Excuse Free Life, and always remember “It’s not the size of the problem, it’s the size of the feeling.”
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