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Suicide is not an option
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Courtesy of BBC
Jane,
Hello. I am sending a response to your article about the current recession and suicide.
Your article is pretty much hammer on nail.
A year ago my wife lost her job. She only found this out when returning to work after maternity leave. There was no more work for her. We lost half of our household income that we were depending on to raise our first son, Cole. After a year of looking she has yet to find work.
In November my job was eliminated as part of a large workforce reduction.
The outlook is not good. And I've been telling myself that ever since.
Today we're still able to make ends meet. And we've probably got another 6 months or so before we become financially desperate.
Emotionally I'm all tapped out. It has been a constant grind on my marriage that my wife lost her job and cannot find employment. Add in the expense of an infant/toddler. And now my job is gone too. The thought that I am an extreme failure has been gripping me for over a month. My parents and sisters have all been very successful. My wife comes from a well-to-do family and here I am...losing my job...maybe my house...and perhaps my marriage. I can't even look at myself in a mirror anymore knowing how close I am to letting everyone down with such disgrace and disappointment. The thought of disappointing my son is too much to bare. And there is no way out. None.
It's frightening how a person can rationalize that suicide is even an option, but compared to the thought of disappointing so many others...some days suicide just appears to present the least amount of disappointment I can put onto my loved ones.
I found your article while searching for something...anything to get my mind straight. I wanted to let you know that what you've presented is true and fact...not just something a doctor or psychologist states. The people and emotions you have written about are very real.
Kindest regards,
Jeremy
Dear Jeremy,
I am Dr. Leslie Seppinni, the doctor of Clinical Psychology Jane quoted in her article. First and foremost, I have tremendous empathy for your current emotional outlook and situation.
I myself spent this last weekend with two others in the throes of a suicide intervention. A mutual friend of ours was distraught and wanting to kill himself over the loss of his home, income, and financial ability to care for his mentally ill daughter. Over breakfast on Saturday morning, he asked me to help him commit suicide in such a way that it would not look as if he’d done so in order to ensure that his daughter would still receive his life insurance policy. He asked his closest male friend to pass out letters to those he selected after his death. He asked us both to care for his daughter financially and had a very small of list of people for us to call when he ended his life. He has not told his live-in girlfriend of his intentions for fear of making things worse at home. He’s also neglected to tell her that they are being evicted from their home and that he has enough money left to carry them only a meager 10 days more.
How does this apply to you? I will answer that very directly and with zero psychobabble. Suicide is, without question, the most selfish act a person can commit. You have two children and a wife. Do not bail out on them now. You and your wife are married, for better or for worse. Yes, nobody could have ever imagined that this is what the worst would look like. Is it worth ending your life over money or material possessions? While they can be replaced over time, your life is a one-time-only deal.
You are not defined by your job. You are not defined by her or your parents’ financial success. You are defined by your character, humanity and courage to fight for what you believe in. The moment you and your wife brought your child into this world, your life ceased to be only about you. When a person commits suicide, it changes every person they’ve touched forever. It has been proven that children whose parents commit suicide often suffer through life-long depression and have a higher chance of taking their own lives. I can only pray that this is not the type of legacy you want to leave behind.
Putting the pieces back together will be the battle of your life. For others, their battles may be living in war-torn Gaza or suffering as physical diseases ravage their body. Unlike them, your breakdown is financial and is still within your control. If you lose your house, move into a smaller apartment. It won’t be forever. Both you and your wife don’t need to focus your job searches solely within your previous fields. Think outside the box, even if it means taking a job that strictly covers your family’s health insurance. Speak to family and friends and ask for help. The two of you need to become a true team. It is the only way out.
This is no time to put ego first. Screw ego! Only action will save you now. Ask her parents for help. Ask yours. If you have two car payments, sell one of the cars. Buy food in bulk. While downsizing, put excess furniture and material things on consignment. Millions of people throughout history, like those that lived through the Holocaust, slavery, Great Depression, WWI, WWII, and Vietnam, have lost everything and rebuilt.
You can change your mindset. This can be the worst disaster of your life or an opportunity to find out what you’re made of. Roll up your sleeves. Use your anger to re-energize yourself. Keep to your routines, even if you are out of work. Unfortunately, there is not time to fall apart. Be thankful for what you still have; your health, family, wife.
Make it an “Excuse Free Life” and always remember, “It’s not the size of the problem, but the size of the feeling.”
Sincerely,
Dr. Leslie Seppinni
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